Shy From The Spotlight - Alexander Hamilton x Reader

Fifty-Seven

I feel my breathing stop, but I keep walking. I don't want John to worry. My thoughts are racing. Is this from C/N at the hospital? Did he already reach Boston? Is he safe? Is he alive?!

I hand John the letters back absently, keeping the one from C/N. I ripped it and flip the paper open. I pause my steps and shut my eyes, preparing myself for this. "Y/N?" John's voice rings. His voice was barely audible.

I pry my eyes open slowly to read.

My love, Y/F/N Schuyler,

I choked up. John steps beside me and glances to the letter. He gives a small gasp and doesn't say anything more.

I've only just realized that you most likely know about the engagement. And no, I'm not talking about Elizabeth's or Isabella's. I'm talking about ours.

I've never proposed before, obviously, so I have been stressing. I'm not sure when or how you found out, but I know that you know. So meet me by the dock just before sunrise.

With all of my love,
C/F/N C/L/N

No! He was at the dock so he could propose to me! Why is the letter so darn late?! If I had gotten the letter before, would C/N be alright?

Wait, I never even showed up! Does he think I ignored his letter and don't want to marry him?! My breathing got uneven and heavy. It's my fault the C/N is ill, hurt, that he died. I folded the letter with quick care before shaking my head very quickly.

My fault, it's all my fault! "Y/N, look at me." John demanded, gripping my hands. He forced me to face him and I felt my heart race.

"Whatever you are thinking, stop." I blinked. "I know you, Y/N. This isn't your fault." He said softly. I shook my head. "If I had showed up, he would be fine!" I countered frantically. He shook his head, not breaking our stare. "How is this your fault? The letter was late, you couldn't have known." He said calmly.

I took a deep shaky breath. I looked away and nodded just barely. John let go and I motioned for him to hand me the letters. Reluctantly, he did.

I took another shaky breath and resumed my walking. I don't care what John's logic was. I felt guilty and forever will. I wiped away the random tears that fell and sighed. Someone bumped into me and I apologize quietly.

"It's quite alright." I looked up. "C-C/N?" I said under my breath. He looked so similar to him. I blinked, and he was any other man. "I- Oh never mind." I said, walking away.

I heard John apologize to the man before catching up to me. I couldn't go home, not yet. I couldn't lock myself in my room again. I faced John and stuffed all the letters, but the one I opened, in his hands. "I'll be home by supper." I promised. By now, the sun was over the horizon. "Y/N." John warned. I ignored him and started heading for the docks.

* *

When I finally reached the docks, I searched for any inclination of where C/N fell. There had to be something! I slowly walked the edge of the dock, careful not to fall in.

Did C/N think I stood him up? That, as he paced this dock, I didn't love him? What if he feels ashamed that I didn't meet him? My heart raced as guilt over came me like a massive wave.

What if I- Wait, something caught my eye. I took a few steps back and knelt. A small note was dangling off the side of the dock, held above the water by a nail it snagged on. I slowly and carefully grabbed the paper and opened it.

C/F/N C/L/N,
Stay away from the general's daughter. You know exactly which General and which daughter I am talking about. Stay away from her or there will be consequences on both of you.
General William Howe

What in God's realm above?! General Howe threatened C/N?! I looked around. They were after me too. What if they see me right now, waiting to kill me like they did C/N?! I forced my features to neutral as I stood, hiding the note in my skirts.

I slowly turned around and started heading back. What if I'm being followed?! What if mother received a letter?! What if my siblings did?! I took deep breaths. The Redcoat attack... Was that my consequence?! No, because they didn't know I was a Schuyler. Right?

What are ways the British could hurt me most? They already attacked me. They attacked C/N. What else is there? I tried thinking as I wove through the crowd. Oh no. I know exactly how they could get to me. Who they needed to get to. I started running home, the thought filling my mind;

My family