The Unwanted Bond

Why are you doing this?

Parker's POV:

After mine and Ryan's fight I hid in the bedroom until Violet and Derek came to get me for dinner.

"Are you doing okay?" Derek asked.

I shrugged. "I'm doing."

He pulled me to a stop on the stairs. "Hey. I know you are scared of this whole thing. I know that it's going to be harder for you to adjust than anyone else would have. I'm not sorry I let him find you, But I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Finding your mate is supposed to be a happy thing, like finding your soul and finally finding home. Like you belong. I know just from your body language alone that besides the brief moment you let yourself fall into that kiss, that you have felt nothing but fear. For that I am sorry."

I raised my eyes from his lips to his eyes. "It's not your fault. It's mine. No one else can help me figure things out, it has to be me."

"That's not true. It's my fault that I didn't go after you, I figured you just needed a few minutes to calm down. You got captured because I didn't go after you. It's our packs fault for not finding you sooner. And you don't have to adjust to this alone. I'm a phone call away and so is Vi. Ryan will help you, his father's both seem really nice. So does his sister..."

"Someone better keep her away from me."

"Hey, she didn't mean to cause you to-"

I cut him off again and yanked my arm away from him. "I'm not kidding. She needs to stay away from me."

"Carla didn't mean to cause you to have a panic attack."

"I KNOW THAT! I know. My wolf.... Doesn't care. Especially after she followed me to the training fields. He hates her. I can't always keep my wolf from coming out because he's constantly partially in control so I can hear. She needs to stay away."

"What if there was a way to possibly fix your hearing?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Dere." Vi shook her head.

"What? There's a way for me to fix my hearing?"

"Possibly."

"How?"

"Fully mating could possibly heal your human side enough to have full hearing. Especially since your mate is an Alpha."

"So I have to submit and have sex for the only chance to have normal hearing?"

"Yeah. I mean there's a surgery but it's a hearing implant, you'd have to have hearing aids for the rest of your life."

I looked at the ground and nodded. "Thanks for telling me."

I turned and continued heading down the stairs.

"It's not that big of a deal. I'm not saying you have to do anything. I was just letting you know that there are some options so your wolf didn't have to be out all the time."

"Sex is a big deal. You know that. I can't just go mate and finally be able to be a normal damn wolf. He looks at me like he wants to touch me and my skin crawls and I feel disgusted with myself."

"Disgusted?"

"Yes. Disgusted. Why the fuck would anyone of sound mind want to be with someone who has been raped by multiple rogues? Who was tortured to the point that looking in the mirror and seeing my scars, makes me feel revolted."

Derek glanced behind me and started shaking his head with wide eyes but I kept going.

"The mere sight of my bare chest is disgusting to me. Bones didn't heal right, words are carved in my chest, and every single time. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I even catch a glimpse of the words I want to puke. Why the fuck would someone that doesn't know anything about me suddenly want me? It's nothing but the mate bond. No one would want me if they weren't my mate." I seethed.