I'll be here forever

chapter 32

Percy searched frantically for the door on my cage, while my mind wouldn't stop replaying it. The horrifying amount of blood. The smile on his face.

He finally found it, and stepped inside.

I'd never been as scared of anything as I was of him right now.

"Thank gods," he breathed, stepping toward me.

I glanced at him quickly; his eyes were full of concern, no hint of the murderous glint I'd seen just moments earlier. And still I looked away, unable to hold his gaze. He terrified me.

He stopped, obviously confused, until he looked behind him at the clear window to his handiwork. Horrified realization dawned on his face. I'd seen.

Percy sank to his knees across from me, and it was silent. There was no sound whatsoever; everything that might've been down here was either dead or had fled from him in fear. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, not yet.

It was a while before I could even tear my eyes away from the floor, but eventually, I managed to. I watched as he gathered enough courage to glance outside of the metal bars at the horrible canvas of bodies he'd made, before looking away just as quickly, shuddering. Ashamed.

He looked down at his blood-covered, shaky hands in absolute hatred. That was when he started frantically wiping his hand on his jeans, trying desperately to wipe the blood off. Hot, angry tears ran down his face, despite how hard he tried to get them to stop, and my heart broke for him.

I pushed the fear of out of my mind, the fear of the dracaena, the fear of what he'd done. It faded, and all I was left with was worry.

Ignoring the excruciating pain in my head and my back, I slowly but surely made my way over to him. He was still wiping his hands on his jeans harshly, focused, scrubbing hard enough that his skin started to peel. There was nothing left on them, but he kept going.

I hesitated a second, then clasped my hand firmly around his wrist. He faltered, then stopped. I let go.

I heard him saying something, but I couldn't make sense of it, because he was so quiet. I finally realized that he was saying I'm sorry, over and over and over again. It broke my heart.

"Hey, it's fine. I was just... I was a little scared, okay? It's fine," I told him, gently. He wouldn't look up to meet my eyes.

"It's not- it's not fine," he said, like the word tasted bad. I pursed my lips, unsure of how to respond.

"I did that," he said, sounding haunted, "I did that, and I... I enjoyed it."

"I know," I told him, my voice quiet.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he whispered. I didn't have an answer for him.

What had just happened was the most terrifying thing I thing I'd ever seen, and I didn't completely understand how he'd done it, but I had to remember that this was still Percy. My Percy. He was the same person that I was hopelessly in love with. The same one who held me when I'd shared that nightmare with him. The same one who reassured me all the time that he wouldn't leave me, just because he knew it was a fear of mine. The same one that trusted me with everything he had.