I'll be here forever

chapter 6

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I did.

When I woke up, the morning light was filtering through the top of the tent. I was exhausted, my brain hardly working, and almost closed my eyes to go back to sleep when I realized.

One of Percy's arms was around my stomach, my back pressed against his chest. I was using his other arm as a pillow. His head was against my shoulder, and he was still sound asleep.

I froze, my heart pounding. This was definitely not how we'd fallen asleep last night. How had he moved that far in his sleep?

It dawned on me that we were both on his side of the mattress. He hadn't moved at all; I had.

Fuck.

I couldn't help the tap-dancing crickets in my stomach, hopping around and making me feel all jittery. This is definitely not what I'd meant to happen.

And while I was panicking, there was still a part of me that didn't want to move. I was comfortable, and warm, and being this close to him made me feel something I couldn't quite explain or describe. It was strange; but a good strange. In his arms I felt much safer than I ever could out of them.

Okay, what the fuck. Slow your roll. You've known this guy for a day and a half, give or take. You don't know who you are, or who he is. For all you know, he could be faking, I scolded myself.

Well it sure feels like a hell of a lot longer. And you saw that look in his eyes when he woke up; you can't fake that, I also reasoned.

The other voice didn't have an argument for that.

So I gathered what little willpower I had left and gently lifted his arm, rolling out from under him (not very gracefully, I might add).

I set Percy's arm back down and then turned over, trying to calm my racing heart. I wasn't very good at it, because it kept trying to jump out of my chest. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing down to the normal rate. Percy didn't even react; he slept like a rock.

I tried and tried to forget how safe I'd felt lying in his arms, resisting the urge to do something stupid. Instead, I turned the other way, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to go back to sleep, although it was damn near impossible.

It was a while before I heard rustling from the other side of the bed, then a quiet sigh. Probably Percy waking up. I pretended to still be asleep; I didn't want to make up an excuse for why I was awake, but not up yet.

My heart nearly stopped when I felt his fingers softly grab the blanket that I had forgotten about quite a while ago. He very gently adjusted it over me, sliding the blanket upward and covering my shoulders with it.

My heart beat irregularly, and I couldn't tell if it was because I had a heart problem or it was because the way Percy had covered me back up with the blanket was the sweetest thing I could even think of. I honestly don't know how he couldn't hear the pounding in my chest, because it was louder than a train.

I heard him rustling from over to the side; I didn't dare open my eyes. Then I heard the tent quietly unzip and zip back up.

The paranoid part of my brain yelled at me, the screaming overwhelming.

He's leaving you, he's leaving you, he's leaving you, it screamed, over and over until I couldn't take it anymore.

I sat up quickly, letting the blanket slide off of me. The backpack sat untouched in the corner, but his flannel was gone.

He's leaving you, he's leaving you, he's leaving you.

I tried to reason with myself. He probably wasn't leaving, just going outside.

He's leaving you, he's leaving you, he's leaving you.

I didn't want to listen to reason.

So I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the fact that once I opened that tent door, he might be gone. He might have left, just like that.

You don't know that.

And still I gathered up my courage and unzipped the tent flap, stepping out into the morning light.

My eyes were immediately assaulted by the sharp, cold sunlight cutting through the clouds, and guessed it to be about 10am, give or take. The tent did a really good job of filtering out light. Cars passed by on the road we'd settled by, few but not far in between. They didn't even glance my way.

But above all else, Percy was gone.

I could feel my eyes filling up with tears. I expected this. I shouldn't have been upset, and still I was. It felt like a crippling betrayal, although it shouldn't have. We were strangers that woke up together, that's it. We only spent a day and a half with each other. We didn't owe each other anything; he didn't have to stay with me. Probably didn't want to, either. I should've prepared myself better... Everyone leaves eventually. At least I'd hoped I'd be with him a little while longer, though. I hated myself for expecting anything different.

I bit my lip, trying to keep from crying. At least he had left me the backpack and the tent. That was the only positive about my current situation.

I had no idea where I was, or even who I was. I didn't know my age, or if I had anybody who was missing me, and I didn't even know my real name. I didn't know who I used to be, what her choices were, how I'd gotten here. At least when I had Percy, I wasn't by myself, and I had someone to share everything with. It felt much more painful bearing it alone.