I'll be here forever

chapter 69 | Daisy

Three days.

Three days I waited. For something, anything. I'm not quite sure what I was waiting for, but I waited.

The first day, I did nothing. Nothing but cry. Quite worthless, I know.

The whole day and night I sat, in our tent, alone- Myrine had flown off by that point- and I did nothing. There was nothing to do. There wasn't a point to anything. What was the point of anything without him? I didn't know. I didn't think there was.

Is that stupid? That everything seemed to come to a stop without him? That the world might as well have stopped spinning- just because I didn't have him anymore?

I think it was. I never should have let it get to that point, never let myself fall that hard. I'd truly believed that I would never have to be alone... and now alone I was. How utterly pathetic.

The second day, I was hungry. And sad. So, pointlessly, I cried some more.

There was a hole inside my stomach, begging for something. I didn't really feel like I deserved something, but I ate anyway. And then kept eating. Until all the food we'd saved was gone, the water too. It didn't really matter, anyway.

On the third day, I couldn't cry anymore. My tears, they dried, and they stayed that way. They just wouldn't come back. I felt like I should've been crying. I felt like I should've kept screaming until my vocal chords shred themselves to pieces, but I didn't. Couldn't.

I supposed it was better that way. Less of a waste.

There was something of an emptiness, a strange veil of utter nothingness that had thrown itself over me, a gaping, empty void, though I didn't quite mind it- it was better than feeling like your entire world had collapsed in on itself, bringing everything you ever knew to its knees. It was better than sobbing until my voice faded away to nothing, and then keeping on, like a billion tears might bring him back.

It was better than giving in completely, because nothing meant anything and I had no one. Because there was no one left for me, no one counting on me, no one that cared about me.

No one.

And on the morning of the fourth day, I had nightmare.

Not one of him and I, not of our past, no- of him falling. Watching as he fell. Helpless. Stupid. Worthless. Feeling him slip from my hand, over, and over, and over, and over again, the last of him, the last time I'd ever feel him, and I hated it. I hated it.

Because it was my fault. Because I was stupid. Because I should've let go of that goddamn ledge and fallen with him.

To hell with the world, to hell with whatever that thing was, to hell with everything. I couldn't care less if falling with him would've unleashed evil on the world. At least we would've been together.

At least I wouldn't be tortured with this stupid promise I made him.

And I woke, gasping, shaking, alone.

I woke up alone.

I wasn't sure why, after everything, I still expected him to be beside me. I wasn't sure why I reached for him, grabbing nothing but air, nothing but emptiness.

And every morning, everything came crashing down again, like the fifty foot waves of the ocean over my head, shoving me underwater and keeping me there as they came collapsing over me again, and again, and again. And I held my breath as long as I could- but I was desperate for air, and I opened my mouth, hoping for oxygen- only to have instead the unforgiving waters of the sea rush into my lungs, drowning me, slowly, painfully. And all the while I could see the sky above, through the water, through the surface, but every time I tried to swim back to it I was knocked down again, and dragged further out to sea, the merciless waters stealing the air from my lungs.

And then I sat there, staring at the empty spot beside me. Staring. Trying to imagine him there, imagine his eyes passing over me, taking me in, concern showing in the wrinkle on his brow. Trying to imagine him reaching for me, wiping away the lonely stray tear that had burned a path down my cheek, telling me that everything would be okay with that crooked smile of his.

And I did, I imagined just that, but I couldn't get it quite right. It just wasn't the same as him really being there, and I couldn't get it right. I couldn't imagine away the cold blackness that filled the tent, the empty space his warmth used to fill. I couldn't.

But I tried, anyways.

(A/N: sorry it's so sad. I just got into a car accident so I decided to update lmao)