The Brightest Stars ✨

Chapter 28

This is a long one. Get you a cup of tea or a cold icy drink depending on your disposition lol. Angsty, NSFW things ahead.

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The guilt of his words that he had said in the heat of the moment gnawed at him long and true. The truth of why she had been rushing away that day came to light in therapy earlier that evening. Gabe has scheduled a joint session for them to talk through the incident.

Natalia had forgiven him of course. She always did, much too easily. She was the easiest and most guileless person he knew. She barely ever held a grudge. But still the hurt look on her face was an image he couldn't forget. He was a mean bastard — even to the ones he loved the most and the realisation made his stomach twist.

The student had been fine in the end, he turned up at school drunk and had been picked up by his grandmother. If anything it had made him popular instead of the ostracisation Natalia has feared triggered by the memories of her twin.

She barely ever talked about the circumstances of her long estrangement with her family, for someone who didn't know how to hold a grudge it must have been something unforgivable and it had been. His heart ached for the young Natalia, a baby, barely out of school having to shoulder her twin's death, her mother's blame and her elder brother's aloofness all alone.

Natalia was as impulsive as he was rash. Most of their arguments had roots in those two qualities. When it came to Natalia's safety and happiness, Gabe lost all sense of proportionality and sense. He took anything that might endanger her as a personal slight even if she posed that danger to herself. It wasn't logical and it wasn't healthy but that's where his brain went.

In the Marines he never had to deal with regulating his emotions, not with all the adrenaline pumping, and the pills that were shoved at them before and after missions. One pill to bring you up and another to switch you off after so you could sleep. Emotions had nothing to do with that robotic game, they were a luxury best kept at home.

He thought that after more than four years of civilian life he'd learnt how to deal with all the feelings that made his heart race and his mouth dry, but he clearly hadn't.

Now, with Natalia having a baby, those feelings had only intensified. The way the pendulum in his life swung, he was on his tiptoes constantly waiting for something to strike. The stakes were so high now. There was the possibility of a new start, a clean slate and all the optimistic things that came with bringing a new life into the world but he knew in his heart that he did not deserve it. Not for all his crimes. Not for the man he was.

He squeezed the woman in his arms, they were lying on the couch, Natalia settled between his thighs because she claimed it was the best spot for her back. She tilted her head up to smile at him, her eyes held none of the resentment that they should. Her beautiful and open face made his heart ache.

When he didn't smile back, her brows furrowed, something in his eyes must have given him away. They must have been mirroring the anxious churn inside him.

Today at the OB/GYN appointment, the doctor had hemmed and hawed at some test results in a way that didn't sit right with him. The doctor had repeated the results and said that he'd call them back if anything was amiss. Natalia had taken it in her stride, as with most things and had left her worries at the doctor's door but Gabe couldn't.

"What's wrong?"

He couldn't look into her earnest brown eyes and tell her that it was nothing. That type of lying was beyond him, especially to her. She had a way of cutting through the bullshit, until nothing was left but just the structure of him and none of the pretences.