"You have all men on their knees. You so damn good at everything, so perfect, I hate it. I hate you, Stone. Your smell, your kindness, your voice, your smart mouth, your nerve. Everything. And now you have me thinking about kissing those lips...I wa...
Draco chocked on his tears while seeing the corner of his eye Myrtle floating towards him. She was probably not the best person he could confide to, but she was all he had at that point and he really needed to let things off his chest.
"Look who is here again" Myrtle squeaked out "I'd offer to be a listening ear but if you don't want to..." Her voice drawled as if she was expecting Draco to change his mind and speak. Draco wiped his tears and looked at her reflection on the bathroom mirror.
"Do you want to know what's wrong?" Draco finally said in a quavering voice "My whole life is. It is falling apart in front of my eyes. Everything I am. Everything I have. My family. My home. It's all hanging by a single thread right now!" Draco's voice got higher in the last sentence and smacked the sink in frustration. Thoughts were racing through his mind, tormenting him. Anna, Astoria, Pansy, his mother, his father, his mission, his future. The fact that he had not made any progress in repairing the cabinet, had been haunting him for days. And his mother...As bad the incident with Anna was, it had at least been distracting his mind from fearful thoughts about his family. Draco pretended it had no meaning, but he had not received his weekly letter from his mother. The thought of something happening to her, or his dad, was so dreadful, he had tried his best pushing them off his mind. However, Draco had discovered that pushing fearful thoughts off his mind, only merely delayed the inevitable emotional outburst he was about to have. Fear consumed him. Everything was falling apart. All his life Draco had the illusion of safety. His parents had sheltered him from the world so much, he now found himself lacking of control. Nothing was safe any longer. And things would get much worse if Draco will fail to repair the cabinet, let the Deatheaters in and kill Dumbledore according to plan. "I have to fix it. I need to fix it. I..." Draco burst out in tears again and started hyperventilating. He was sweating, his heart was racing and he was struggling to breathe. Dizziness soon followed and Draco clenched tightly on the sink. "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" he yelled in pain, feeling as if all the build up emotions were travelling from his chest to his throat to leave his body. "I CAN'T! I can't pretend that everything is okay. I can't keep smiling and show off to everybody! I can't be strong! Everything is shit!"
"That's it. Let it all out" Myrtle went next to his shoulder as if she wanted to pat his back for comfort. Draco kept talking between sobs.
"When dad went in Azkaban...m-my mum told me I sh-should keep my head held high...that nothing would change. Then he...h-he...made me...I had to...I had to make that deal. I thought I would prove myself...I would finally make them proud...I would make everything better...Nothing is working. And her. She hates me. And I should be happy about that. But I'm not"
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"I don't really understand what you're saying but it's okay. We have all made mistakes"
"I don't even know who I am anymore. And that damn... thing won't get fixed!" Draco looked himself in the mirror. How pathetic did he found himself to be. The once proud Draco Malfoy being a whining baby when he was given responsibilities. How much lower could he stoop? "GET A GRIP ALREADY!" Draco yelled at his reflection and then panic started taking over him again out of nowhere. "I need to fix it...I need to fix it..." He dropped to his knees and he struggled even more to take a breath. Feeling suffocated, only fed his fear and Draco made all the effort to stay conscious and calm himself down. He looked around the room, emptying his mind, a technique his aunt Bellatrix had taught him while teaching him occlumency. However, the panic attacks were getting more frequent lately and Draco was afraid he would not be able to control them for much longer.
