And No One Sees: The Truth Behind Camren - Book Three [UNFINISHED]

Chapter 18: A Birthday Gift

June 27th, 2019

Lauren

6:00 P.M.

My birthday had fallen on a Thursday this year; not the best, but not the worst. Regardless, I was getting to spend part of it with Camila, and lord knows we needed this quality time together. After my talk with Keana, I had been a rollercoaster of emotions the entire week. This is exactly why people tell you not to give your opinions about your friend's relationship. In the end, they only end up either resenting you or resenting their relationship.

I was sort of in a grey area of both. I was annoyed that Keana was choosing such a shitty time to tell me how she really felt about my relationship; right when Camila was about to enter into yet another PR relationship, but this time with somebody she actually liked and cared about. Was it insane of me to be a little bit jealous? And to feel like I wasn't being made a priority? Shawn was literally two sides of a coin: this super nice, Canadian cutie who had been Camila's best friend for so long, and then also this unexpected...threat.

Part of me was shocked that I was feeling this way, but the other part of me remembered that I had felt this way anytime Camila was in any sort of PR relationship. I knew what it was like to be there, to a certain extent, and I knew what it was like to develop stronger feelings for someone simply from spending so much time around them; and, of course, from acting like you're literally in a relationship any time you go anywhere. It's easy for things to get jumbled up.

At the same time, I also knew something else: I always came back to Camila. No matter how many fake or real relationships had come in between, we continued to fall prey to each other's gravitational pull. That felt important...but maybe there was a creeping thought inside of me, facilitated by Keana, that it also felt toxic. That there shouldn't always be something tearing us apart. I knew that I needed to talk to her about all of this, but I also knew that it was my birthday, and all I wanted was good vibes.

So, I waltzed into Camila's house, ready to just put everything aside for a night and try to focus on us, on having a beautiful take out dinner with my best friend. Yet, I walked into the most unexpected sight.

"Camila?" I asked, eyes wide.

I sprinted into her room, lightly shutting the door behind us, and quickly bent down to her figure that was crumpled up on the floor, in a corner; bawling.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked as I started to rub her back.

I was only met with a series of light sobs and a small "I'm sorry".

"Sorry? What are you sorry for, baby?" I leaned in closer.

"It's your birthday." she croaked.

"Fuck a birthday. Come here."

With that, I sat against the wall and pulled Camila into me. She buried her head into the crook of my neck and wrapped her arms around my torso. I stroked her hair and gave her light kisses as she breathed heavily onto my skin. I had been here before; Camila's panic attacks were nothing new, and I definitely wasn't new to helping her ride them out.

I thought back to all of the anxiety ridden, heart-wrenching moments we'd shared together during our time with Fifth Harmony. All of us. My mind raced with thoughts of Dinah hugging Normani for two minutes straight, trying her best to hold back her tears; with vivid images of laying my head on Ally's shoulder and listening to her comforting words; with painful yet loving memories of Camila and Normani holding hands and taking deep breaths together to get through whatever was going on at the time.

The secrets, the half-truths, the miscommunications were what I couldn't deal with. This...well this had become my area of expertise over the last 7 years. So, I sat there and held Camila for 10 minutes straight, humming while I soothed her as best as I could.