One of Us | Jegulus

Thirteen

The next morning James was gone when Regulus woke up.
He didn't know whether he should be relieved or feel bad. Was he avoiding Regulus after their conversation at night?
The answer came a few minutes later when the bedroom door opened and Sirius entered.

Regulus immediately sat straight up, what did his brother want from him?!

"Got your breakfast", Sirius explained and placed another tablet on a desk under the window.
Regulus eyed him suspiciously. "Is it poisoned?"
"Try and see", his brother responded.
Regulus frowned. "And why are you here since you apparently hate me so much?"
Sirius leaned against the desk. "James and Remus had to leave early so I'm demoted to your personal nanny."
Regulus shrugged and walked over to inspect the food.
"I don't like honey", he complained, glancing at the sweet substance on the toast.
"I know", Sirius simply responded.
"Dick."
"Spoiled prat."
The older brother crossed his arms. "So how did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Got James to like you."
"Maybe he just realised that I'm the cooler brother?"
"I don't trust you, Regulus."
"I know."
"I know you're up to something. I'll find out what it is."
Regulus snorted. "Good luck, you paranoid idiot." He picked up the toast and bit off the edge. He twisted his mouth in disgust, it was horribly sweet.
"I miss Kreacher", he muttered.
"Sucks not to be treated like a little prince?", Sirius retorted bitterly.
"More like, sucks living together with you again..."
"Likewise."

Regulus exhaled heavily. "Then talk some sense into Potter and make him let me go."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "We've been over this and I'm still not that foolish, so give it a rest, okay?"
"Of all people you should know what it's like being locked up in a house of people you don't want to be in!", Regulus exclaimed and also crossed his arms in front of his chest.

It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that instantly. Sirius stepped close, with furious eyes, and gripped Regulus' wrists firmly. Glaring at him, he spoke, "Don't you ever dare comparing me and my friends to them and what they've done to me. Do you want to be treated the same, hm? Do you want to bare the same scars I do from all these punishments? Do you want me to use the Cruciatus curse on you? Do you want to-"

"Alright, alright, I got it! Poor, misunderstood Sirius Black, nobody will ever have it as hard as him."
Sirius pushed his younger brother from him, resulting in him hitting his head on the wall and crying out in pain. "You arse!"
"God, how much I wish James would have let you rot at your dirty Death Eater hideout..."

With these words Sirius left him alone in the bedroom. Regulus sank to the ground, clutching the back of his head in pain. Why did every encounter between the two brothers always have to end like this? Will there ever be a conversation between them that doesn't include a death threat? Did Sirius really regret Regulus' survival?
He didn't want to think about it, because then he would have to admit how much those words actually hurt him.

He was hungry but on the tablet was only the disgusting toast and a glass of water. He missed the opulent breakfasts from James with bowls of fruits and delicious juices. He found himself wondering where James was at this moment and whether he was safe. When would he come back?
He suddenly longed for company, which was a very strange feeling to him.
He'd always preferred the solitude, well, as a child he enjoyed the time spent with his big brother, but seeing how that turned out he'd learned his lesson.

It wasn't even the interaction with others that he suddenly missed - talking to people was exhausting and put him in a bad mood most of the time - but he found himself being more relaxed in silent company. His thoughts wouldn't be as loud, as depressing.

But there was no chance having that right now. Sirius was not an option. James and Lupin weren't in reach, obviously, and even though Andromeda and Nymphadora must be downstairs there was no way joining them thanks to the Longbottoms.
So it would be just him and his book again.

When James finally came back, he looked even more exhausted than the day before. Regulus was just changing into fresh clothes from James' dresser after showering and looked up at the sound of a closing door.
James walked straight over to him and collapsed in his arms.
"Distract me", he muttered into Regulus' bare chest.
The latter, completely overwhelmed by the sudden proximity, gripped James' forearms to keep him from falling and led him towards the bed.

Together they sat on the edge until James laid back and pulled Regulus with him, so they both stared at the ceiling, lying next to each other, feet still on the ground.
"Please distract me", James repeated and Regulus could see from the corners of his eyes that he'd covered his eyes with his palms.
"How?", Regulus asked bewildered.
"Tell me something."
"But what?" He was slightly confused about this new version of James and he wasn't feeling quite comfortable in the current situation.
"I don't knooow", James whined. "About you... what's your favourite animal?"
"Huh?" He hesitated, questioning whether James was in his right mind. "Er... cats? I guess?" He considered. "I like wolves too, well, the real ones obviously. But only wolves, not dogs. I hate dogs."

Potter laughed suddenly. "Thought so."
"What?", Regulus inquired and turned his head to James.
"I just... had the feeling you weren't a dog person."
"Okay...?"
James faced him too. "Do you like stags?"
"Stags?"
James nodded.
"Er, I think so." He remembered the wild animal he'd seen that full moon night and how its appearance had fascinated him, for some reason.
"Yeah", he added. "They are pretty cool."
James grinned.
"What's so funny?", Regulus asked, getting upset. Why was James behaving like a little child and what was he laughing about??
"Nothing. Stags are cool. The coolest."

"Mhh", Regulus mumbled and intended to get up. He'd suddenly remembered that he still wasn't wearing his usual sweater and began to feel very exposed and uncomfortable. But when James noticed his movements he gripped his forearm to prevent him from moving.
"Don't go."

Regulus hissed as a stinging pain shot through his arm. It was the skin branded by the Dark Mark where Potter got hold of him.
This drew James' attention on the mark, exactly what Regulus had intended to prevent. Great.
Instead of letting go off the arm, James twisted it lightly and pulled it closer, seeming to absorb every inch with his eyes.
"What are you doing?", Regulus asked uncomfortably. Potter didn't respond, his expression illegible.

Then, when he finally spoke his voice was even more silent, "You're only pretending."
"What?!", Regulus frowned. What was this supposed to mean.
"You say that you support Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But you are ashamed of this mark. You wouldn't be if you completely stood behind their ideology. You regret this permanent connection."

Regulus tried pulling away, but James wouldn't let go. He resigned.
"That's not true", he muttered after some seconds, not sure whether he was actually believing himself.
"I just hate how you look at it. As if it would make me inferior to you", he admitted quietly.

"I-" James exhaled slowly. "I don't wanna say it doesn't matter. But it also doesn't define you. It... it is horrible. But you're more than this dark part of yourself and I wanna see past it. It resembles your worst decision but I would never ever perceive you as less worth, okay?"

Regulus swallowed.
"Wow. Uh..."
"You don't have to say anything if you don't feel comfortable. Just know that we all want the best for you - even Sirius, in his weird way to show it. Especially Sirius."

They remained silent for some moments. Then James yawned and turned on his side. "Let's lie down properly, shall we?"
"Mhh."
Regulus climbed from the bed, walking over to the dresser and finally putting on the sweater, shielding himself from James' view, before he returned and joined James on the bed.
He buried his head in the pillows and pulled the blanket up to his chin. Then he turned right to face James, who was already watching him. When their glances met, his tired eyes lighted up a little bit and he smiled at the younger boy.
"Nighty-night, Reggie."
Regulus sighed. "I'm not a child... never mind. Good night, James."