One of Us | Jegulus

Sixteen

Regulus lay awake until James returned in the late night.
He could tell how exhausted he was by the way he threw his clothes into a corner and dropped his wand carelessly on the nightstand.
For a second Regulus eyed the wand, tempted to grab it and overwhelm Potter, but he held himself back, concerned by his appearance.

James noticed that he was watched by Regulus and snorted. "Sorry to disappoint you but we're all still alive."
"Oh come on," Regulus responded. This wasn't fair.
The older one lay down next to him and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before he rolled on his side and looked at Regulus.
"And what were you doing all day?" he asked. "Making some nice Death Eater plans to overthrow the Order because it would enhance your survival chances?"
"Oh, fuck off, Potter," Regulus muttered.

There was a small, awkward pause. Then suddenly James smiled weakly.
"You know, despite everything... I missed you."
Regulus swallowed. "Oh."
Why was James still so nice to him?
"That doesn't mean I'm not angry anymore," James added and the way he said it made Regulus laugh slightly. "Got it."
"Good."
Another long lasting seconds of silence.

"I wanna sleep," James mumbled eventually and closed his eyes.
"Well... sleep then."
"Not without you."
Oh.
"...Okay."

He hesitated for a moment before he moved closer to James. The older one wrapped his arms around his torso and pulled him close to his chest. He buried his face in Regulus hair and sighed. "Better."

Unsure what to respond, Regulus rather remained silent. Wasn't all of this a little... weird? With his friends back in school he'd never been this close. But then again, this group is a whole different kind of people. Sirius and Lupin for example were pretty close and had no problem showing it openly. They seemed to be even closer than his brother and James even though Regulus always thought that Potter was Sirius' best friend, not Remus. Maybe that's why James now was looking for the closeness with Regulus, perhaps he missed his old best friend and was jealous of the closer relationship between Remus and Sirius. Of course he'd then turn to Regulus, because he was Sirius' brother and looked therefore quite similar and - at least according to James - even shared some traits with him.

He sighed, unsure whether this new realisation made him feel better or even worse. Was he a replacement for his brother?
James had said that he liked him... liked him that much that he'd called him a friend. But why would he want to befriend him in the first place, him, a Death Eater, after they'd all made their attitude towards Death Eaters very clear? James with his heroism and all his righteousness and his belief in the "good ", whatever that was supposed to mean, would never throw away all these morals for one person. Something about it didn't sit right with him.
He'd seen the way James glanced at his Dark Mark every time he forgot to cover it or the sleeve had simply slipped up. It was obvious how much he tried to suppress the thought of Regulus' identity and how desperate he tried to deny it when the topic came up eventually.
James only seemed to feel comfortable around Regulus when nothing he identified with was visible. In other words, whenever he most resembled a copy of his older brother.

Great.

He shifted in James' embrace, unsure whether to break away.
"You okay?" James muttered and raised his head.
"Er. Yeah," Regulus responded and bit his lip. He turned to face James but the latter already fell back into the pillows, so it only resulted that now his face was inches away from James' bare chest.

He led his thoughts back to his worries to distract himself from the proximity of the two boys and dwelled on it for several minutes without feeling any better or coming to any conclusions.
Was he overthinking? Was he being paranoid? He didn't know.
Exhausted, he exhaled heavily and finally closed his eyes. He listened to James' calm breathing and his little sighs he always did when he was sleeping. It actually calmed Regulus down until he decided that he maybe should try getting some sleep as well.