Ackerman's Steppes / Levi x Reader

Chapter 1: Beginning or End

Disclaimers

Fanart credits to tiru_gk on twitter

I prefer writing a real name instead of Y/N, so you will be called Ella in this story

I am not a native english speaker, so sorry for any mistakes

I do not own any of the characters in this story. They originate from a franchise called "Attack on Titan"

No manga or anime spoilers

Everything is fiction

Levi is as canon as possible
(his character, interactions, looks, height etc.)

Eventual smut and graphic scenes, so proceed with your own precaution

It's a slow burn story

Everything is set in attack on titan universe. Y/N (Ella) is a young doctor living in a small town by Wall Maria, where scouts usually start their expeditions

-

You're standing in a long yellowish hallway that used to be white years ago when you were still an intern. It has always been so dirty, but you never really noticed because you were constantly working.

This is the only time you had to take a break and a deep breath.

You can't save that child.

This time you let yourself think about not only saving lives, but also who is taking them and why.

If only titans didn't exist... You can't even imagine what life would really be then. The least you know, is that wouldn't see so many corpses and lifeless people, who can't be saved anymore.

"Ella."

"Yes, I'm coming," you still feel a little shaken, but rush back to your patient. "He's not alive anymore," you murmur.

"No. Look he is breathing. He is breathing," she screeches. You can't bring yourself to look at that child.

You aren't as naïve as the new recruit girl. You have been working in the hospital for almost two years, therefore you know how it usually goes. You feel disheartened because of the hopeful atmosphere this girl has created.

You were right. This kid is dead. You're happy his pain ended. Not like he could survive without any limbs.

Why do scouts even bother saving already dead people?

The look in that kid's eyes when he was brought in. You knew he didn't want to live in such a merciless world any longer. Albeit he lived, his parents couldn't bear constant medical expenses to keep him alive. Even if he swiftly recovered, he couldn't have a family, he couldn't work and provide for himself without limbs. What's the point of being a trouble for others and even for yourself? Because you were born in this world? Why be born if you are only destined to suffer.

You slowly move back to the chair and sit in it. You're shaking just like the first time you failed to save someone. The difference this time is that this kid is not your first or last. It's because it is your first-time completely losing hope.

You're tired of life like this, but you are too afraid to change something about it.

The new girl starts crying and shaking that kid's body. You just stare at her emotionless.

You let her realize the true cruelty of this job.

A short boy peaks into the room. It's one of the scouts that brought this kid.

"You are not allowed here," you sigh.

"I'm just doing my job. He didn't survive, right?" he looks too pale to act so calm.

"If you were really doing your job, you probably wouldn't have brought this piece of dying flesh here in the first place," you quietly murmur.

"So, you're saying that people like him don't deserve a chance to keep living. Are you really in a position to talk like that? Aren't you supposed to save lives?" boy looks at you disappointed.

"I am, but I can't save someone who has already died before even brought here," you nod and look up at the boy in the doorway. You feel bad about what you just said. It's not for you to decide someone' life worth.

"Stop antagonizing this woman. Let's go," unknown man calls the boy out in a crude manner.

"Yes, sir."

You see that boy following a gorgeous black-haired man, who just called him. You feel like you have met or seen him somewhere. He's covered in mud and dry blood and is wearing a green cloak.

He must be a captain or some kind of rank.

You go to the doorway and peak at them whilst closing the door.

"So, only two of us survived..." that man sighs.

Was that child a scout?

-

Barracks are even filthier than the hospital. This is one of the reasons why you always work overtime. You don't want to come back to this mess. At least, when you are working, you don't need to think about anything else besides your job.

Although you work at the hospital, you can barely get by, therefore you are inevitably forced to live in the barracks with roommates.

You took a day off because you were shaken by dozens of deaths you witnessed yesterday.

"Have you heard the news?" your roommate Lizzie asks.

"What news..." you sigh and take a sip of black tea in your old metallic cup. "I mean, I didn't have time, since I had to treat abnormally many dying people yesterday..."

"Well, look at the newspaper," she points at a title written in huge shrift. You never bothered to spend money on newspaper, frankly because you don't have time to read it; it's not a necessity. You'd rather buy dinner than some papers full of false information and delusional hope that something will change.

"Captain Levi's squad wiped out by a swarm of titans in the latest expedition," you started to put things together and kept reading. "Only two survived - the captain himself and his new subordinate. All thanks to other squads rushing in and saving them. Many unconscious and injured members were brought back, but none of them survived."

So, this is why the scouts themselves were at the hospital. Why were they so indifferent, although all of their squad members died? Do they even have emotions?

"All of those people were his squad members. The humanities strongest soldier's handpicked men. All of them died," Lizzie looked worried, but kept her usual carefree attidute.

"We will be fine as long as we live within the walls. Why risk so much? We don't even know if there is something to find out in the first place," you bluntly brush her off.

"You just don't understand, since you never had to experience losing someone to titans. The moment you will do, you'll understand their pain and desire to fight back and finally live... Because what's happening now is not life, " she looks upset because of your comment. It's rare for your opinions to match.

But you have experienced death by titans. You are just not as naïve and oblivious as her because you know you can't do anything. No one does. Not even titles like humanities strongest soldier - the newspaper just proved it.

-

Sorry, for a super weak first chapter! I'm writing this after uploading chapter 16. I didn't think much about this story when I started, but now I spend hours writing and plotting latest chapters. Hope you will like it!