Ackerman's Steppes / Levi x Reader

Chapter 21: Skinny Love

Loud snip, then a quiet one.

Following silent hand movements, one stroke of hair falls down on the dirty floor then another one, another one... Some get stuck on his shoulders, some fall on your feet.

You can hear soft bird chirping outside.

It's almost midnight. This is the first time you're spending time with again, after the accident.

You though that Levi was avoiding you, but he said he was busy with the paperwork. You're not sure if he's being honest, however you're putting all of your effort to believe it and just forget everything that happened. He asked you to cut his hair and he seems exhausted and sleepy.

The silence is louder than ever.

Being a doctor means you're good with fingers, but cutting his hair... You have never had to concentrate on something as much as now. You want to make it perfect, just how he likes it.

You want him to ask you to cut his hair again. Again. Again.

You just want his attention.

Levi doesn't have to do everything alone. You want to be by him, not behind him.

"Is it gone?" Levi suddenly breaks the silence.

"If there was something, it's gone for sure," you sigh. It's still awkward to talk about what happened.

"Good."

By him. Not behind him.

He's talking about a person's life, possibly his own son or daughter that could have been inside of you, so bluntly. Sacrificing having a family in the future for him, sacrificing your own beliefs and for what. You love him, you want him, but it hurts too much now. 'Good' - why would he say that?

This whole situation is just a huge misunderstanding, but he could at least try to be more mild. You both love each other, why be so cold hearted?

Rusty scissors fall on the ground as you walk out of the room leaving the man you love alone and confused.

He doesn't chase you. You chase him; and you're sick of it.

-

"How's Hange doing?" Walter notices your distraught.

"They are okay as you see," you force yourself to answer and point at Hange sitting across the room and laughing loudly. There's Erwin, Miche, but not Levi.

It's been a few days since that conversation. You didn't see him anywhere throughout this time. He must be avoiding you this time for sure.

It bothers you too much. You wanted to finally take a step yourself and fight for your beliefs. It ended up in an argument? If you could call this absurd silence like that.

Frankly, you don't know the truth yourself.

You expected him to talk to you, or to see him looking at you in a corridor like he always do. He always keeps his pure blue eyes on you when there's a slimmest chance something can happen.

Why did you have to ruin everything? You should have not said anything and cut his hair. Everything would have been fine.

He trusted you with his hair. He never lets anyone else do it; he cared for you enough to even ask you to do it.

Why did you do it? Why did you leave him like that?

You can't stand this pressure anymore. You want to know if you're fine or is it over.

Maybe it was over from the start?

But everything seemed so perfect until the accident happened.

He can't fully commit and you knew it. But every single time something happens that reminds you of the space in between you, you're scared. It's like you can never fully reach, or have him.