Ackerman's Steppes / Levi x Reader

Chapter 22: After Dark

In the heat of the moment you aggressively grab his face and pull it forcefully into yours, almost bumping your heads. He quietly exhales and keeps his gaze low. You become conscious of how desperate you just were, therefore you loosen your grip feeling awkward of your own actions.

"I hate it. Worrying about you..." you utter and stare into his blank eyes. You hate how frantic Levi makes you feel sometimes.

"Me too," he puts his palm on your cheek, carefully caresses it with his thumb and delicately plays with your chin with his fingers . "I won't be gone for long," he looks at you confidently, although deep in his eyes you notice a spur of uncertainty.

"Okay," you hold all of your emotions in the back of your head and smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile.

Levi uncomfortably lingers for a moment.

"I'll go," he turns around without giving you the chance to embrace him and walks straight through the door.

You quietly sigh and crumble down your feet. It's too mentally strenuous for you to keep this act going. He's away either surviving or dying, then he's back, then he's gone again. Repeat. Smile. Repeat. Smile.

Your whole body is aching for him. You want to turn to the door and run straight at him. Jump into his arms and never let go. Bury yourself in his tender skin. Breath his air. Lose yourself in his eyes. Make him obsessed.

But this will never happen.

It's always going to be you chasing.

There's no point anymore. You'll focus on yourself. You can't keep going crazy for him. It's evident that you never had any thoughts like these until you met him. Captain of a suicidal squad. Captain of your heart and head. And mind.

No.

You can't leave this place with a healthy mind unless you distance yourself from everything. Levi including.

He makes you act... Unusual.

It was refreshing and exciting at the start, but now you feel like losing your mind.

-

It's been almost three weeks since he left.

You kind of did too.

You were saving up money all of the time you spent with the scout regiment because you were feeling like a burden to them. Also, being independent and working like a real real doctor is what you always loved and seeked.

So you moved.

It was difficult. Not because you adored the place or the free food, but because you hadn't had a chance to tell that to Levi. It would have only been proper to say goodbye, but you felt that if you had to do it, you'd never leave the place.

He's out there, fighting human eating monsters, thinking you're at their base safe and sound, whilst you're trying to forget him. Ironically, you found the sketchiest place to live in because the rent was cheap and moved their without a thought. And you're already feeling way better. You feel like a terrible person because of this, but you can't make yourself stay there at least a day more.

It wasn't your home, it was Levi's, and no matter how much you love that man, you can't grow to love that place.

The new home. It's in Wall Rose. The price is the same as in Wall Maria, what is very unlikely. It's a small town, with a town's square in the center of it. Lots of flea markets are organized there every few days. You went there two times to get some cheap food. It reminded you of your old town. Day, when you went shopping and heard everyone calling Levi and his squad names. What different in this town called Jinae is that there are actual shops for jewelry, artwork, shoes, clothes. It feels a little strange, but you always dreamt about living in a big city, or at least seeing its traditions, people and culture.