"You don't want this to end, do you?" Levi murmurs and locks eyes with yours.
You don't, but what course of action would be right in this situation?
"It reminds me of the time I met you..." You break eye contact and stare at the floor. A sickening feeling boils up in your gut, contemplating all the things that could go wrong now. Yet, despite the unease, thoughts of Levi linger more and more. His captivating dead eyes, stupid smirk, and strong hands – the qualities you yearn for but can't receive from Walter. You keep catching yourself comparing these two in every aspect, with one winning every time. Perhaps it is because Walter isn't the man you thought he was.
"I can't really remember it... But I recall feeling very hot just like now," he makes another dad joke, accompanied by a smirk you've been secretly craving for.
You can't help but smile and stare at him. Levi bites his lip. Regret for the choices that led to this moment weighs heavily on your mind. Still, you are unwilling to discard the connection shared with Levi in this moment. You decide to live through all of this mess and eventually decide what to do with Walter and the Survey Corps.
"Can I kiss you now?" Levi murmurs, his voice carrying a hint of urgency.
"Levi... We shouldn't do it. It's not right for now," you assert, trying to maintain eye contact, though your resolve feels shaky.
Suddenly, his lips meet yours, his hand tracing a slow path across your waist, sending shivers through your entire being. Your fingers tighten on his shoulder as you instinctively move toward the edge of the bed, careful not to touch his injured leg. Then, he grabs your thigh and pulls you closer.
The dampness of his body and sweat from fever help you regain your senses. You release your grip and step back on the ground with one leg. Levi holds onto your thigh with a saddened expression.
"Levi, you're injured," you take a deep breath.
"Not anymore."
"What do you mean? Your leg," you inquire.
"I see you here," he states and interlocks his fingers with yours. You notice more bruises you've missed before. You start to question his state of mind that led up to this.
You quickly stand up because you don't know how to deal with your fastened heartbeat. Shortness of breath makes you lean against the old wooden chair by the bed. You notice carved symbols of healing and protection on the back of it that many hospitals have because religion and health are connected.
"Ella," Levi clasps your hand firmly. "Are you okay?"
"No," you plop into the chair. "I feel so stupid," you fidget with your hair. You can't grasp your feelings; therefore, you try to contain them and act in a proper way.
"I feel stupid too," Levi looks away, as if he's trying to give you space to feel more comfortable.
"We've never had deep talks, and I would like it to stay that way. It feels strange," you stare at the faded green wall – almost like Survey Corps capes. You're frustrated because if you had deep conversations like this, you wouldn't have left without a word. It's too late now.
"I know."
There it goes. His dry nonchalant answer, dissociated from any sprinkle of emotion. Deeply inside, you love the way he is, but you are too insecure to keep up your feelings straight and clear. Constantly giving but only receiving little actions of affection or temptation has driven you to vulnerability. You crave him real and raw; that's the only way you're willing to risk everything you've built up without the Survey Corps.
"You know it's heartbreaking for me... All of this, you know it's too late," you face your emotions and regret lashing out.
"Is it?" he questions your resolution.
"I've been questioning my relationship with Walter before this. I meant my feelings about you," you state.
"You came here of your free will, Ella," Levi's eyes turn wary. "I'm not going to force you to stay; you can leave this morning if it's truly too late," he clicks his tongue.
"You're pressuring me," you object.
"I'm not. You've changed, Ella. So have I, but you can't accept me like I accept you... And your Walter, and your happiness, and your independence," Levi clenches your hand.
"You never talked to me. I risked my life being here in the Survey Corps for you."
"And I protected you," he releases your hand and exhales quietly. You know he's stressed by these gestures.
The room, with its faded green walls reminiscent of Survey Corps capes, becomes a backdrop for this stolen moment. The old wooden chair you lean against carries the comforting scent of polished wood.
"You left your comrades unprotected. Your personal protection for one random woman is too costly for the Survey Corps," you are being realistic.
"Survey Corps. Survey Corps, Survey Corps," he repeats. "There's more about me, for example, having you beside me."
Your eyes start to water; you've never thought Levi had all these things on his mind. You can almost imagine spending evenings together with him in some forest alone without any Titans or even people. Envisioning a tranquil scene, you feel the cool breeze rustling through the leaves, the earthy scent of moss beneath your feet, and the distant chirping of crickets creating a soothing symphony reminding you of the nights he protected you. You hate that Levi is tied to them forever. The thought intensifies the ache in your chest, a mix of empathy and frustration. You place your hand on his palm and squeeze tightly.
"You don't have to say anything else; I'm sorry," you drag the chair closer to the bed with your feet and lay your head on Levi's chest. He caresses your hair, and you both fall asleep.
You could never love another man like him.
-
YOU ARE READING
Ackerman's Steppes / Levi x Reader
FanfictionY/N (Ella) is a young doctor, living by Wall Maria, where scouts usually start their expeditions. She hates them for their obstinacy to keep fighting because it only leads their soldiers to their deaths. Ella is the one, who has to constantly bear t...
