-
"Hi, I'm assigned to escort you," Marin uncomfortably states and loads your woolen bag to the backseat.
"Hello," you nod and quickly get in the carriage avoiding eye contact with her.
"Don't worry, I won't bother you unless you have something to ask me that I can tell you," Marin keeps her eyes low. It's mutual awkwardness after the incident with the cut.
"I don't," you make it clear that you have nothing to do with her. You aren't going to fall for the friendly act this time. Frankly, you feel a little frustrated to be guarded by a new recruit scout that tried to kill you back in the summer.
"Ok," she lifts her eyebrows for a second and glances at you inquisitively.
This trip will take quite a few hours, therefore you have a lot of spare time to gather your thoughts and feelings about all of the things happening now. Many issues need to be put in perspective and it's the perfect time for this, since you feel like you don't even know what you're doing with your life now.
Firstly, you feel selfish for leaving Walter like that to visit your first love. It's really not fair and nasty from your part, but you have this strange feeling that you must spend some time in separation with him. You feel like your feelings aren't as strong as his. It's distressing for you to deal with it because you aren't used to being loved so much. It's like everything is too perfect and it feels simply mundane, but isn't healthy relationship all you wanted? Didn't you feel depressed when you knew Levi's feelings are almost non existent compared to yours?
Secondly, you want to move up the ladder. You can't keep cleaning the bottles, washing the sheets and sweeping floors for a living. You want to have a meaning, a role with a bigger meaning. Perhaps, you could try to study medicine? How dumb of you to wish for that. You don't have money for that, but you allow some dreamy thoughts into your head just to imagine what life could have been.
Thirdly, it's almost Christmas. You have never celebrated them since childhood, but this year you feel obliged to do so because Walter will definitely have a surprise for you. You consider buying something in the city whilst visiting scout's headquarters. But what can it be? What does Walter mean to you?
There's absolutely nothing in your mind. You can't even think of something narrow-minded. Just empty. You sigh and decide to just enjoy the ride.
"It's almost Christmas," Marin states after hours long silence.
"Yeah it is," you brush it off.
"Have you thought about the present for Walter?" she insists on having a small -talk.
"No, do you?" you sarcastically respond. She smiles.
"I had a fiance, but now there's nothing," she takes a heavy gulp of air and faintly smiles.
"I'm sorry," you feel terrible. You couldn't imagine yourself living without the love of your life now. You would be miserable. Marin is strong for that.
"It's not your fault," she looks through the window. "We're almost there," she adds.
"Where is he?" you let it out.
"In the base," she stares at you. "Are you going to take care of him or are you visiting for something else," she narrows her eyes.
"Personal reasons," you brush it off. Now you stare at the ground. It's uncomfortable since you don't know the real reason yourself.
"Well, I heard rumors... I didn't want to be rude," Marin shakes her head.
"What rumors?" you want to know.
YOU ARE READING
Ackerman's Steppes / Levi x Reader
FanficY/N (Ella) is a young doctor, living by Wall Maria, where scouts usually start their expeditions. She hates them for their obstinacy to keep fighting because it only leads their soldiers to their deaths. Ella is the one, who has to constantly bear t...
