Olympus Drive Book 2: Nothing to See Here

Chapter 24

Helen

"That's not a REAL mammal."

"What is the matter with you? The zebra have never been a mammal they don't practice photosynthesis---"

"Mammals and non mammals are distinguished by live birth ZEBRAS LAY EGGS—"

"But the eggs are singular not multiple mammals must lay multiple eggs—"

"What do you think shark do? Lay one egg? Shark are mammals they lay nests of eggs—"

"No they don't."

"Yeah they do what do you think kelp is?"

"Sea bee nests?"

"No! It's shark nests—"

"Sharks don't have nests everyone knows sharks are all male."

"No they aren't how do they reproduce then?"

"Through asexual reproduction like hyena we discussed this last week, Dean."

"Sharks are the boys and dolphins are the girls."

"Wait if dolphins are girls how do we get mermaids?"

"Mermaid and mermen have baby mermaids."

"Where do mermen come from then?"

"Why are they the way that they are?" I ask, putting my face in my hand. It's just the three little ones, Basil's bastard which is always here, and that effeminate mortal boy that Basil consistently babysits and brings around despite it clearly not being his. Of course our dad is here, but he came late. Not my sweet Thyme, who cried off due to having a girlfriend. Which is fine I suppose but I wish he'd bring her back here. But he didn't and Basil let him get out of having dinner with us. He's only just gotten home as well.

"Hmm I don't know—listen you guys zebras are not mammals, they have stripes no mammals have stripes," Basil says, taking a sip of wine and artfully moving his cup as I try to take it away from him.

"Yes they---I'm not doing this. Are they doing this for fun? Or are they really this dumb?" I groan.

"Don't look at me you gave birth to over half of 'em," my dad says, dryly, as he feeds Chiron half his dinner.

"Either they are this stupid or they are this easily entertained I don't know which is worse," I say.

"We gonna talk about what your sister wants or are you gonna let all the trees just die?" our dad asks, kicking Basil's foot as the kids continue bicker.

"She's trying to find Jazzy, and I, specifically, don't know where she is," Basil says, innocently.

"What's the big deal she's an adult?" I ask.

"You pinched your baby boy's cheeks this morning so shut it," our dad informs me.

"That's different, I don't know where he is now," I say. That is different. Thyme is mine, Basil lives with me. We can be worried about our son. Jasmine is supposed to live with her mom; Basil didn't even want her.

"Under protest--- you tried to ground him earlier today so hush----Barad, what are we doing?" our dad asks Basil, raising his eyebrows, "You've really no idea where she's gone? Not a clue?"

"No, why should I?" Basil asks, innocently, "Last time I saw her she was fine and happy. She texted Thyme earlier apparently---I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Apparently something. Last time I checked the news there was advanced leaf loss across the entire east coast, so if you could get the kid to go home to her mother more often that would be great," our dad says.

"Fine. I'll to talk to her," Basil says, weakly, "I don't know what to do though to get her to ---do whatever Della wants."

"How do you get half your little shits to do what you want? You pay 'em."

"You two are such great parents."

"Are you or are you not gonna hypnotize them all into shutting up in like two minutes—"

"Unicorns don't elope you ignorant slut—"

"There is no way cheetahs are in the same genus as the yeti that doesn't even make sense they're clearly devolved from an ancient type of buffalo—"

"Did or did you not hand my five year old child an assault weapon, and tell him to practice his aim while you sat back and watched?" I ask, putting my chin on my hand.

"For one thing, he was covering the door, I knew from handing him the hand gun he had really naturally good aim lovely kid of yours, and I was not sitting back and watching I was trying to find us a way out of a locked down compound and that boy still says those were the best three days of his violent little life getting to shoot and murder things to his little homicidal heart's content----for another thing I'm not pretending to be good at this," my dad says, equally sassily.

"Yeah okay I'll just, beg Jasmine to go home whenever she decides to come around—I'll make pizza tomorrow she loves pizza," Basil says, innocently, as if he'll be sober enough to cook.

"Marsupials can't drown—"

"What in Lucifer's pocketbook makes you say that they have fucking fins—"

"Okay that's it—"

"Please don't they're only—" Basil says, wincing.

"None of you want to talk anymore," I say, and they all wince and go silent, unable to speak.

"Aw now they're only kids," our dad says.

"Shhh," Basil, not wanting to be silenced.

"And they're only incredibly annoying," I say, going back to my food.

"Zebras are not a real mammal, I'm just saying," Basil says, really quietly, wincing as he does as all the kids stare at him hopefully.

"You're really ridiculous you know what fine, you get them cleaned up, I'll meet you upstairs," I say, kissing his lips, sweet with wine and the vodka he mixed in it. Then I let the kids go and they instantly start arguing again.

I go upstairs and shower. A nice long shower where I shave everything, and then put lotion on, sweet smelling lotion that makes me feel good. It never gets old no matter how long I'm up here. the realization that I can clean up when I want, shower when I want, change and put on pretty clothes and be clean and feel beautiful. I put on red lingerie, a mesh, stripped bra and thong, then I curl up under one of my several faux fur throws. I lie there in the cool and dark listening to the soft sounds of the house. Basil threatening to pay children to go to bed. Basil pleading with children to go to bed. Chiron running around and being happy.

And eventually the door opens.

"And now what do you want?" Basil asks, setting down a full glass of wine that we both know isn't for me, and lying down on the bed next to me. He's wearing his velvet coat, jeans of course, and an incorrectly buttoned grey shirt.

"You don't wear white ever," I say, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

"I noticed. What's with you tonight huh?" he asks, putting a hand in my hair. "Aren't you happy Thyme's home for a while?"

"Yeah," I say, quietly.

"Don't think about being back there."

"I can't help it."

"Yeah I know," he says, taking me in his arms and cuddling me against his chest. He's that much bigger than me, and despite all the drinking his arms are still strong.

"Can you lie here and hold me all night?" and then when I wake up you'll be here. just like I wanted for way too long. You'll be here strong and safe holding me. And when I wake up I'll know I'm safe because I'm with you. There's no way I'm in that demented place.

"Sure---shhh," he says, cradling me as I start to cry. "Yeah. yeah I'm right here go to sleep now."

"What about Thyme?" he says he doesn't have nightmares. I don't know if that's true.

"He's on a date, he's having fun. He's fine just like we are."

"Okay." Eventually I fall asleep like that in his arms.