Her Secret Adventures

ix

DREAMING TILL MY HEARTACHE ENDS

[ maybe i just dream of you tonight, and if into my dreams you'll come and touch me once again. I just keep on dreaming, till my heartache ends ; ♪ °♬

Eyes clouded with tears again, it's already 10 in the evening and I ain't feeling sleepy yet.

"Hey, pinapakinggan mo na naman 'yan. You're only hurting yourself."

I turned to look at his gazed, the way he stared at me is enough to know that he's concern as fck. Pinunas ko na lamang ang aking mga luha, sabay talukbong ng makapal kong kumot.

"It's been fucking years! Bakit ba hindi mo na lang siya kalimutan?! Wake up Angela!"

I could hear that my brother's still mumbling words, but from what I've clearly heard made my heart shattered in pieces once more.

I cried once again, umiyak ako ng umiyak hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang talukap ng aking mga mata'y unti-unti nang bumibigat. Last thing I knew is that I've fallen asleep, time to control my dreams again.

I have the ability to control my dreams. Yes, I am a lucid dreamer. My dreams, my rules.

-

So, here I am again at the park. I smiled as I'm waiting for his appearance. Kabisado ko na ang mga mangyayari, halos hindi ko kasi mabilang kung ilang beses ko nang pinapaulit-ulit ang panaginip na ito.

Because this day was the most memorable yet so heartbreaking moment of my life. I want to experience the happiness with him again, and maybe to finally accept how the two of us ended.

I stood up, couldn't handle the butterflies inside me. I roamed my gazed and as I expected, there he is.

Inayos ko ang suot na sumbrero sabay takbo papasalubong sa kaniya. This scene never ran out of excitement. I could still feel that my heart's racing as if it's getting off its cage.

"Hey baby, miss me?"

I smiled then kissed his left cheek, "I fucking miss you."

He chuckled then stared at my eyes. I missed how you look at me like I was the most precious thing to you.

"I miss fucking you," he whispered through my ears.

I just gave him a sharp look, then ruffled his hair lightly. We just bursted out in laughter.

His name is Huxley, we've been lovers for about years. We're now currently celebrating our third anniversary at this moment in my dreams.

Ayaw ko man maupo at maghintay sa kaniya, ngunit hindi puwede. Gustuhin ko mang ibahin ang mga scenariong nangyari'y mas lalo ko lamang sasaktan ang sarili ko.

I heaved a deep sighed and sat to the bench near the tree. I waited for him, hoping this time I could finally accept what happened.

Hindi nagtagal ay nakita ko na siyang naglalakad habang dala-dala ang fries at coakfloate na binili. I waved my hand at him, nasa magkabilang tabi kami ng kalsada.

I sighed once again, here it goes Angela, be calm and please do accept what will happen next, or else you'll be dreaming of this moment again. Please cooperate, my dear self.

Nakangiti siya habang naglalakad patawid ng lane. I just smiled as well, restraining myself not to cry, not even a tear.

In just a blink of an eye, I ran towards the crowd. His blood are continuosly flowing on the ground. Lumapit ako sa kaniya at pinakatitigan ang kaniyang mga mata.

He smiled at me despite of his state, he even put a peck of kiss on my cheek. "Always remember that I love you, my Jelly."

I cried, "I love you too, Huxley."

-

Napabalikwas na lamang ako sa aking kinahihigaan, ramdam kong namamaga ang aking mga mata dahil sa labis na pag-iyak.

"Dreamt of him again, my dear sister?"

I just nodded as an answer. He came near me and to my surprised, he then caged me in his arms, giving me a warm embrace.

"You miss him that much, huh?"

Dahil sa aksidenteng nangyari ay nagka-amnesia si Huxley. The doctor said that there's still a chance. But sadly, his memories didn't came back.

I was in the middle of breaking down that time, when two persons came inside the hospital room. My parents have been busy finding my long lost brother. I know that Huxley is an adopted child but I never thought it'll turn out like this.

"Yes, it's been fucking years pero hindi ko pa rin siya makalimutan. Buti pa ikaw, nakalimutan mo na lahat," I uttered.

His brows narrowed and just gave me a puzzled look. I smiled at him weakly and cried even louder.

Maybe I just dream of that moment again, until I finally accepted the truth. Until my heart doesn't ache anymore.