Her Secret Adventures

xvi

THE I LOVE YOU'S

"Oh, teka lang! kanina pa tayo paikot-ikot, maupo muna tayo." wika ko kay Ella, my girlfriend.

It's our anniversary that's why we're a having a date, just a simple date will do to make my girl happy. Naupo kami sa bakanteng bench at doon nagpasiyang magpahinga.

Napasinghap pa ako ng ilang beses bago tuluyang magsalita. And as our eyes met, I saw her sweet smile, giving ease on my heart.

"I love you," usal ko habang hinahabol pa rin ang hininga dahil sa pagod.

She then cupped my cheeks, "I love you too, always." she said, still smiling.

Our relationship has been through ups and down, may mga hindi man pagkakaintindihan minsan, but in the end of the day, magbabati at magkakaayos rin kami.

Abala kami sa paggawa ng homeworks ng bigla kong napansing tila nagpipigil si Ella ng tawa o may naaalalang kung ano.

She looked at me and I just gave her a puzzled looked, telling her, "why?"

Kumawala muna ang napakalakas niyang tawa dahilan para mahawa ako. "Alam mo, yung kaklase ko kahapon sa sobrang pagpipigil niya ng tawa sa klase, bigla siyang napautot ng malakas."

Habol-habol ang hininga, hindi pa rin kami nagpaawat kakatawa. Halos pimagtitinginan na nga kami ng ibang students rito sa science kubo.

I just halted from laughing when I felt my heart again, aching. Patago ko lamang iyong ininda at kapakuwa'y ngumuti ng pilit.

"I love you," I blurted out of the blue.

Agad siyang napatigil sa pagtawa at ngumiti ng tipid sa'kin. The smile of hers was gone, ang nangungusap niya lamang mga mata ang mapapansin.

"Hindi ko alam kung kikiligin ako o mag-aalala sa tuwing babanggitin mo nalang bigla 'yang mga salitang 'yan." kalmado niya sabi.

Kaunti na lamang ang pagitan ng aming mga mukha, agad naman akong ngumuso para humingi ng isang halik ngunit sinampal lang niya ako ng bahagya.

"Kiss lang e, damot." pagmamaktol ko, dahilan para mapairap na lang siya at umiwas ng tingin.

"Feels l-like mawawala ka, namamaalam sa tuwing magsasabi ka ng iloveyou." pahina nang pahina niyang boses habang sinasabi iyon.

I just heaved a deep sigh, I carresed her pinkish cheeks as I stared at her eyes. Ginawaran ko lamang siya ng matatamis na ngiti sabay hinalikan ang kaniyang kanang kamay.

"Naglalambing lang ako, hindi
ako mawawala." wika ko.

"Awe, ang sweet mo talaga."

She gave me a tight embrace, tipong wala nang bukas, wala nang hangganan. I felt my lips trembling, pilit mat kumakawalang munting hikbi ngunit ngumiti na lamang ako.

"Hoy bawal 'yan, school 'to hindi motel!" sigaw ng isang estudyanteng dumaan kaya't nagkatitigan na lang kami ni Ella at napatawa.

I was on my way home, smiling, thinking of what happened for this day. Hindi ko kasabah si Ella ngayon kasi may kaniya-kaniya kaming dapat ayusin at sa weekend na lang kami magkita.

"Oh, shit." I whisphered out, habang hawak and dibdib.

Here it goes again, a fcking chest pain and heart attacks. Siguro ko'y napagod na naman ako, this past few days have been really tough though.

Nanatili lamang akong nakatayo, pinapakiramdaman ang paligid. But then I felt my vision is getting blurry, paulit-ulit ko pang ipinikit ng mariin ang aking mga mata, ngunit nanlalabo na talaga ito.

Agad kong kinuha ang aking cellphone, hindi ko na kayang makapag-text pa o mamili man lang ng iko-contact kaya nilambang ko na lang ang pindot at hinayaang mag-dial.

As the phone starts ringing, nawalan na ako ng balanse sa'king sarili habang dinadama pa rin ang sakit sa aking dibdib.

"Hello?" hindi ko na napigilang mapaiyak nang marinig ang isang pamilyar na boses.

It's Ella, the love of my life. It's hard to breathe right now, and I just can't restrain these droplets of tears from my eyes.

I gathered all the strength in me and forced myself to utter any words for her.

"I LOVE YOU"

My hearing is getting blurry as well but I'm sure, I heard her sobbing.

I just smiled bitterly, staring at the mesmerizing beauty of the cloudy sky. Rewinding all the happenings in my life.

Funny how my girlfriend thinks I'm being sweet and clingy whenever I say I love you out of the blue. Little did she know, I'm saying those three words whenever I feel my heart is aching, whenever I'm having chest pains. My heart is effing weak.

Natatakot ako na baka isang araw bigla nalang ako mawala, biglang kunin kaya as much as posible I want her to feel loved each day, habang kasama pa niya ako. And now is the time, dumating na ang oras na kinatatakutan ko.

"I love you too, always." she responded, making me smile in my last seconds, then everything went black.