empty bed.

12.

"oh god mike ive fucked it all up!"

on 10:02 on tuesday, mike had been dragged into the boys bathroom next to their english class. now, if he could tell you why stan was so urgent, he would, but as of now he had absolutely no clue what freaked the jew out so much.

"calm down stan. what did you fuck up?" mike kept a calm voice for the most part, a hint of curiosity lacing his words.

"everything!" stan waved his hands around frantically, as if it was obvious he fucked up. "hes never going to talk to me again, im screwed, ive ruined my friendship with him-"

"stan." mike grabbed the blondes (is- is he blonde?) hand, stopping his movement all together. "who, im not a mind reader."

"bill." stan uttered quietly, almost as if saying it confidently would make it true, and even he was trying to lie to himself.

"shit i- i fucking kissed him."

.yesterday after school.

"e-earth to stan, y-you can come ins-s-side."

-

stan, almost immediately after the last bell for the day rang, rushed to catch bill from his art class.

there was no reason why stan felt so urgent to find bill, he just knew he had to. waving a hand to catch his friends attention, stan bent over against the wall and gasped for a few seconds, catching his breath. running across the school for your best friend maybe wasnt an amazing idea.

"bill! hey, are you free tonight?" stan didnt give him time to reply other then a quick nod of his head. "great! im walking you home. can i?"

bill glanced around with an utterly confused look on his face, letting out a laugh of... concern?

"uh... y-yea? whats u-up with you t-t-today?"

"nothing? just wanted to spend some time with my best friend." stan pulled bill into a quick hug before turning in the direction of his locker.

stan yelled back "ill be at my locker!" and left with a wink.

"the f-fuck"

so for whatever reason stan had, and stan always had reasons, he walked bill to his house.

-

stan uris had stopped right in the doorway to the warmth of bills livingroom. on the walk home, it had started pouring, leaving both boys soaking wet. stans thick curls were plastered to his forehead.

he stepped in, bill closing the front door behind him. "w-well, l-l-looks like you cant g-go home now."

"yea, uh.." stan glanced around the living room, setting his bag down on the floor gently. "i actually came here to talk to you."

"o-oh." bill nodded, plopping himself down on the couch with a soft smile. "g-go ahead."

"bill i-" stans throat ran dry, and he licked his lips nervously. "i need some water i- can i get some water?"

the brunette only nodded, and stan left to rush towards the kitchen.

he had planned on telling bill everything- about his sexuality, his huge fucking crush on his best friend, everything about his dad- but he couldnt.

everytime he opened his mouth, he either wanted to sob or scream. there was no in between. there was never an in between.

filling up a glass nearly to the brim, stan downed it all in a few gulps. his confident facade had quickly vanished, leaving the scared little stanely all alone, the same stan that babysat georgie on weekends, the stan that let his father beat him up, the stan who let himself be called a faggot.

he suddenly felt very sick. it was normal to want to throw up when spilling all your darkest fucking secrets, right?

"... stan?"

his train of thought was lost when bill tapped him on the shoulder lightly. stan stared at him, his beautiful blue eyes, the hair that always had a mind of its own, because no matter how hard bill tried to style it, it always swooped the wrong way. and stan loved it.

and so he went for it.

"bill. i wanted to tell you something."

his breath quickened,

"ive really had to think about this but..."

heart beating rapidly in his chest.

"im sure that i know what i have to do."

this was it. everything was either abso-fucking-lutely fucked, or bill wouldnt care. he didnt know which was worse.

he didnt care, though.

"im gay. im so insanely gay, and ive got the hugest god damn crush on you. i just- everything about you is so beautiful to me. i hear bev talk about her love life all the time and i- i think about doing things with you. just everything, i think about holding your hand, or- or kissing you in public and god would i just love to show you off to the fucking world- i know it all seems like a lot but im sure this is how i feel so i-"

stan took a deep breath after rambling for long, and locked eyes with bill. "i really, really like you."

and then stan kissed him.

it was short and sweet, at least to stan it was.

pulling away, stan waited. stan waited for bill to say something, he waited for what felt like years, he waited until bill opened his mouth to speak.

"stan... i-i dont-" bill closed his eyes for a second, reopening them to face stanleys worried expression.

"i-im not s-sure."

stan furrowed his eyebrows, letting out a sort of half laugh, half sob.

"what? you- youre not sure? bill, what the hell do you mean youre not sure?"

"i-im not sure, i- i dont k-know, stan."

"fuck, i knew this was a bad idea, i-im so sorry for kissing you, im sorry for walking you home today i- i need to go."

"w-what? stan, n-no, its freezing out t-there, y-youll get hypothermia or s-s-something!" bill tried, but stan was already rushing to his backpack and the door.

"s-stan, dont! its not-"

the front door slammed shut, leaving bill standing alone in his living room, mind buzzing with thoughts.

-

stan had shown up to school the next day with a cold, though his father insisted he go to school anyways.

"stan, you really should go to the nurse, you know. itll only just get worse."

stan had left the bathroom with mike after telling him everything, the two (plus beverly) skipping 3rd period to go sit on the bleachers in the schools back field.

"bev im not going to the nurse. the most she'd do is take my temperature and give me some pills or some shit. its not worth it, i'll find something at home." stan sighed, closing his eyes to relive the past 24 hours.

"at least stop ignoring bill." mike spoke up after a few minutes of silence. he missed silence; he missed the comfortable silences with bill.

"he looked like he was about to cry this morning, stan. cmon, he just wants to talk, im sure nothing will happen." beverly added, taking a quick hit from the cigarette held in her left hand.

they were probably right, he had been trying his best to avoid bill for the first half of the day. but after the way he had basically rejected stan last night, he had the right to be mad... right?

he didnt hate bill. he didnt want to stay away from him. he knew he could talk to him, it just felt.. wrong. he just wished he could go back in time.

he wanted everything to be normal.

1275 words 😋
published april 17th