[M] DO IT FOR THE FANS [YEONBIN]

16. The smirk behind the door

"Soobinie... What the hell is going?"

A very confused Yeonjun forcefully smiled, standing in the center of the room, looking at Soobin as the latter closed the door behind himself. Tense and uncomfortably scratching his arm, the hyung looked like a cornered bunny.

Soobin didn't answer, and instead took several steps forward and leaned towards Yeonjun, smashing their lips together.

The elder didn't refuse, but after a couple of seconds put his hands on the other's shoulders and softly pushed him away. Soobin frowned.

"Seriously, this is not like you... What if someone hears us? Just please tell me what's w--"

But before he could finish, the younger kissed him again, this time wrapping his arms around Yeonjun's neck.

The elder finally gave up and relaxed his previously defensive posture, returning the kiss and mindlessly putting his hands on Soobin's hips. This gave the younger the confidence to press even further and walk forward without breaking the contact, forcing Yeonjun to take some steps back until he hit the border of the bed, and when he sat down Soobin climbed on top of him.

The hyung hesitantly raised his hands to grab the other's face, but when he felt no resistance from his part he moved them to firmly run his fingers through Soobin's hair.

The taller boy softly moaned into the kiss, reached out and lifted the bottom of Yeonjun's shirt.

The other jolted, and pulled away from Soobin's lips with a groan.

"WHOA!", he let out, grabbing the other by the wrist to stop him. "Woah--Wow! Wow--"

"What?", Soobin asked, taken aback for the first time in a long time.

"Wh--What are you doing?"

The younger frowned once again, his expression quickly turning into disappointment.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I-I've never done this with a guy before."

"Me neither. So what?", Soobin shrugged, somewhat annoyed.

Yeonjun ran his tongue over his lips and slightly bit on them, looking embarrassed.

"I'm sorry."

The other sighed and let his arms drops to his sides.

"You're sorry about what, Yeonjun?"

"I... hadn't... considered this."

Soobin's heart started aching. He wasn't surprised, and it was not like he wouldn't have expected this to happen, but... But it brought back the fear he felt the first time he kissed Yeonjun. Except this time it was more tangible, because he actually felt somehow rejected.

But that's what he had realized recently: the only thing that was more frustrating that thinking he couldn't have Yeonjun at all was having him half-heartedly, in a relationship where they were too close for Soobin to keep his own feelings at bay, but too far apart for him to feel satisfied with what they had.

"What had you actually considered, then?", the younger pressed further, frustration growing in his voice. "You've been flirting with me in front of the cameras since forever, alleging we should do it for the fans, even though you actually suspected that I liked you? And then although I told you we couldn't be together and to get over it, you still insisted?", and seeing that Yeonjun was not replying, he pressed again: "What for?"

"I told you, I wanted you to know how I felt towards you and that I'm there for you..."

"So you did it for me, huh?", Soobin retorted sarcastically.

"Soobin..."

"No, Yeonjun", he continued as he climbed off the elder's lap and sat on the bed by his side. "Are you even sure you like me romantically, as you said?". His voice sounded rather tired.

"I do!", the elder exclaimed, and jolted at his own words being too loud, so he lowered his voice, "I really do. I just hadn't considered...", he trailed, letting the younger decipher the meaning of his words for himself. A few seconds of silence passed. "Wait... Had you...?"

Soobin was resting his head on his hand, and his eyes widened for a moment, but then he rolled them and looked away, partially covering his face with his fingers.

Yeonjun dramatically gasped, a big smile suddenly showing back on his face.

"You perv! And to think you get so flustered when I do as little as hug you!", and he blocked the elbow Soobin aimed at him, as it usually happened.

"It's not funny", the younger mumbled, visibly upset, clenching his fists over his lap. "If you weren't even considering the implications of being together, why consider it at all?"

"Hey", Yeonjun looked him in the eye, with a now serious expression. He brushed the hair from Soobin's face with his fingers, and leaned forward until his forehead was touching the other's temple. "I did it for me, because I realized I was flirting with you not only for the sake of the fans, and I couldn't stand the thought of you doing it only for that reason."

The younger shyly rotated his body until they were facing each other, foreheads touching and noses brushing. They could feel the warmth of each other's breaths on their lips.

"I really felt like I was losing my mind, and I wanted the cold-headed,  ever-so-calculating Soobin to put me back in my place. I just didn't think it was possible for it to come to this."

Yeonjun pressed their lips together, so softly that the younger's entire body relaxed instantly.

It was the first time Yeonjun initiated the kiss, and Soobin felt like he was going crazy.

He knew what they were doing was not allowed, and that they could lose it all if they got caught.

But ever since Yeonjun had confessed to him he felt like things couldn't just go back to normal. He felt like he owned him in some way, and even worse than that, the more the elder showed him affection, the more he craved it. The happier he was when he woke up in the morning knowing that Yeonjun liked him back, the more he wanted to know how much happier he himself was capable of feeling.

The more time they spent together without getting caught, the further he wanted to go.

This is going to be the ruin of us, he thought. But his touch is so soft, and his kisses taste so sweet and everything feels so much better than anything I've felt before.

"Soobinie," Yeonjun smiled against the younger's lips, "you should probably head to your room. It's way too late."

I should be the one saying that, Soobin reprimanded himself.

"Yeah", he agreed, closing his eyes as Yeonjun planted another couple of kisses on his cheek and nose.

I'm melting. Someone help me.

When he finally managed to stand up, he staggered towards the exit with Yeonjun following him closely, and when he went through the door his hyung brushed his fingers through his hair and wished him goodnight.

"Oh, and Soobinie?", Yeonjun said while closing the door, "I lied. That's why I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd ever touch me and I panicked when you did, but I've touched myself thinking about you more times than you could count."

And before Soobin could even process those words, Yeonjun's smirk disappeared behind the door.