[M] DO IT FOR THE FANS [YEONBIN]

4. Getting dragged

Soobin woke up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. All of the TXT members had been moved to a nice and very spacious apartment in Seoul, since they weren't allowed to go outside often because of the pandemic. Besides the individual rooms, the new place had a huge kitchen diner that connected to the living room, from which a window wall offered an amazing view of the city.

Soobin sighed and played with the glass of water between his fingers. Was he overreacting? He was young and he had no experience in romantic relationships, but he had never doubted his own feelings. Ever since junior high school, he could immediately tell for sure when his feelings for someone went from strong friendship to having a crush. It was so clear, that he never even doubted his own sexuality. He felt attraction only towards men, and he could even distinguish when it was just physical or romantic.

The attaction towards Yeonjun was immediate, and of course it was only physical at first. Soobin didn't believe in love at first sight.

However, they both became close faster than anyone in the trainee groups, and Soobin had never before known someone as caring, gentle and genuine as Yeonjun. He was such a pure soul, Soobin sometimes found himself getting surprised at the fact that the other could become an idol, given that the job required high amounts of acting and faking. But Yeonjun loved the attention, too, and he wasn't humble at all. He's such a nice person that he can act as cool and taunting as he wants without a single soul doubting his kindness.

He shook his head to stop his own mind from wandering too far.

Only a short amount of time was required for Soobin to realize his attraction had become romantic as well. But a crush is a crush, he had thought, it would go away.

Or so he believed until he found his every day life taken over by his thoughts about Yeonjun. When viewing the TXT perfomances, he'd have a hard time evaluating his own, because he would get distracted looking at Yeonjun. When they weren't training together, Soobin would rush the elongation part because it seemed to take years, that of course impacting on the body pain he'd feel the following day. He would get dragged further and further into the fanservice acting that Yeonjun always pulled up, focusing more on his interactions with him than his own individual actions.

Most recently, he even had had to actively canalize his jealousy into resignation, like it happened when he saw Yeonjun and Beomgyu spending time by themselves.

How much could you like someone before you loved them?

And more importantly, was it possible to stop love from affecting every other aspect of your life?

Soobin wrapped his finger more strongly around the glass. I just want to focus on my career, and not some stupid love that won't even get anywhere.

He heard soft steps approaching from the living room.

"Oh, you're awake too", said a voice.

Soobin hummed. Speaking of the Devil...

"What time is it?", said Yeonjun while serving his own glass of water.

"Around 2 AM, maybe? I think it's going to rain."

Yeonjun sighed.

And then there was silence between them, but it wasn't awkward. Soobin kept looking at the living room window from afar, his back turned to the older. Yeonjun drank his water, and his nails made small sounds around the glass.

For the first time in a while, it was just the two of them, nothing else but the dim light coming from the city buildings. Soobin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. For a second, TXT didn't exist, the apartment belonged to just them two, and there was no need to check each other's makeup or forcefully turn their faces to the camera.

Forgetting about his own efforts to erase the feelings towards the other, Soobin allowed himself to acknowledge Yeonjun's presence. Just knowing that this person exists makes me happy. That's all there should be to it.

"Soob--", Yeonjun started, stopping immediately, maybe because the sound of his own voice interrupting the silence had surprised him. "Soobin", he repeated clearing his throat softly.

The younger boy hummed in response.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah", sighed Soobin, a little disappointed that the moment of beautiful silence had come to an end.

He still had his back to the elder, so he couldn't tell what he was looking at or what facial expression he was making, but he did hear him moving uncomfortably on the spot.

Finally, Yeonjun took a deep breath and spoke:

"You're gay, right?"