Stories of a hormonal girl in the aro spec ↝ Rants, facts, tags.

Rant- heteronormativity

So if you have heard me rant before you would know that one of the things I hate the most about the society is heteronormativity. As a part of LGBTQ+ that has struggled to accept myself a lot I hate how everyone is expected to be straight until proven otherwise. I hate the fact that us, queer people have to go through the stress of coming out and being accepted or not while straight people automatically are accepted by everyone, their sexuality is normal and not a big deal and they never have to wonder whether they will be accepted for it. (I am not saying every straight person is accepted by their families i know that there are many things that they could be hated and not accepted for I'm just saying that they never have to go through that for their orientation.)

When a person comes out, more often than not, they receive replies like "I thought you were straight, you don't look |enter sexuality| at all" or "Wow you never gave us any hints of not being straight". Why. What does straight has to do with anything? I never gave you any hints I am straight either. I mean yes I might have had crushes of the opposite gender before but why does that automatically make me straight? I could be bi or pan or omni or demi or many other sexualities.

If I could completely change the society's views on the subject then I would. There would be a (sort of) sexuality called nosexual/noromantic (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ASEXUAL *cough acephobic urban dictionary cough* ). Nosexual/noromantic is a term I created (if it already exists -That it does not, i have done my research but whatever- tell me so that I can change it) which is the sexuality anyone should have as the default one. It does not have a particular type of attraction since it is only used by people that have not come out as anything yet. It is not exactly a sexuality more like a stage before finding out yours. People would have to come out even if they were het. It has a similar meaning and use with "questioning" and questioning could be used instead of it but "questioning" means you are not sure of your sexuality but if you keep it long enough then it becomes your own sexuality rather than a stage before you find it. Of course the difference is insignificant but people should have a choice of keeping it as a separate sexuality and that's why i came up with nosexual.

Once people find the sexuality that they are and come out, they leave the stage of nosexualisism (okay maybe i'm not that good in finding terms) and they enter the stage of sexualism (either asexualism or allosexualism) and you know the rest.

As you know I am identifying as Unlabeled and Lithromantic at the same time (i prefer unlabeled). How am I supposed to tell my parents that I will most probably never be in a relationship, get married or biollogically have kids while those are the standards that society puts for a girl like me in her life? I can't just keep hiding it from them forever, it just doesn't feel nice. Neither can I say I haven't found the right one because quite simply not dating anyone in my whole life because of that reason doesn't make sense. How am I supposed to tell them that they will most likely not have any grandkids unless I adopt. 

I have told you before that I most probably have a condition in my hormones, i am trying to get it diagnosed but it is hard with corona. My mom has it tho and it could pass on me. It is a recently discovered condition and not much is known about it. Anyway, with this condition there is a possibility that you can't have kids. I actually hope I have that part of it because then I would not be expected to. If heteronormativity didn't exist it would be easier to explain the reason I will probably be single forever, unless I get in some sort of strictly physical relationship. I'm not sure If not labeling a relationship as a relationship will work either unless I try it.

I got out of theme again though. I wanted to say that if heteronormativity didn't exist then everything would be much easier. It would be normal to not be straight and everyone would be accepted and loved. (again i dont mean in general i mean about the sexuality part of them).

I have always had a very close relationship with my parents. I am afraid all of it will be trashed if I come out. They have told me before that "I don't mind the community (referring to the Lgbtq+) but I would rather my child wasn't one of them." Mind you that they had no idea of my sexuality and I just tried to talk to them as to see their opinions on it. How can I not be worried about that? yes, i know that they will still love me and probably try to accept me but they will also probably be internally disgusted by me and that would have a huge effect on our relationship even if they tried not to show it. On the other hand, when I was in a phase of my life that I realised I was a tomboy and i tried to let go of any "girlish"  things i did (hey don't judge i was a kid and i was stupid i have been out of that phase for the last three years) and my mom said "if you decide you want to be a boy, we will support you" which was honestly lowkey misogynistic of her cause i just didn't like being girly but at the same time really sweet. So as I said above, they would probably support me but not really like it on the inside.

To conclude if heteronormativity didn't exist i wouldn't have to be afraid of being myself with my parents. I know there are thousands of people who have it way worse than I do just because of their sexuality and they could also be happy if heteronormativity didn't exist. In other words, #cancelheteronormativity

Lots of love and support,

a very pissed off sophie 💕😡