Stories of a hormonal girl in the aro spec ↝ Rants, facts, tags.

A few thoughts

So today has been.... interesting.

I learnt a few things today... I had a talk with my parents about various topics and it was interesting to say the least. (warning large paras)

A. Sexuality and homophobism

My dad has been making homophobic comments for a while so I confronted him and sent him a few vids explaining the whole topic... I realised he is not gonna support me though. I think both of my parrents have started catching up with the fact that I'm a part of LGBTQ but they are also really oblivious so they are kind of in denial. A family friend of ours visited and just from a single conversation that we had (me defending the LGBTQ) she looked me straight in the eyes and said (to my dad): "You should try being more open about those things because we are living in a new age where LGBTQ is generally accepted. You never know what could happen. Our own childs (K is her daughter) could come out as gay so always be open and accepting towards such things." I think she has realised I might not be straight... oops? she seemed pretty supporting and in my side though plus she didn't say a thing so i don't worry about her. Anyways lately I have been defending the LGBTQ even more than usual and they SHOULD realise that there is a reason for that but NO. My dad keeps saying it's "abnormal" and while it is generally accepted by people he is pretty much against it. My mom on the other hand seems pretty accepting towards them but still would probably prefer it if i were straight. Lucky for them I am not attracted towards women, enby people, agender people etc. I pretty much am not attracted towards any gender (im lithro so i am but it wont make any difference so i just say im not attracted tw anyone at all). The thing is I don't think she knows much about the aro spec or the ace spec so she said "you should start being interested towards boys or even girls" and it is "only natural for your age". I think she was trying to be supporting but she kind of got it all wrong... Maybe I should send her a video about aromanticism or something. She litteraly hurt me by trying to be accepting... Spain but the S is silent.

B. Occupation

Welp I had the "What do I wanna be when I grow up" convo. I have three fields that I would like to follow. 

1) Computer programming and software design 

2) Physics or Astrophysics

3) Chemistry

I have to pick one of these three and also find a specific uni course in the next two years thanks to my country's stupid education system but anyways- I would like to learn more about quantum physics and the creation of the universe or more about the exact formation of the body. I also really like programming- so this is gonna be hard 😃👍🏽.

C. More (mental state? kind of?)

I'm not sure exactly how to title this so just keep on reading. So I did something stupid. Like- really stupid. I told them about my overthinking. If you don't know I am a huge overthinker and I also PROBABLY have some sort of anxiety (NOT DIAGNOSED and I want to see a therapist but covid is complicating things plus I'm too scared to ask) which makes it even worse. I get really nervous about being annoying or too much at times and often overthink about stuff I did or said. I often feel the need to justify my actions or explain my jokes just in case someone takes it wrong or gets offended by it. Well I didn't tell them the last part but I did tell them I overanalyse everything I do and they litteraly suggested there is something wrong with me, I should stop overthinking and maybe see a therapist? Like- the therapist part would be appreciated but NOT FOR THIS REASON? You litteraly just brought me down by saying that my way of thinking isn't normal (even if there are millions of overthinkers out there). Maybe overthinking is not HEALTHY but it is just the way I am and you could have been more subtle? Also you litteraly didn't realise your child gets really really stressed during exam seasons and has problems at accepting herself and believing that she is enough and I have been dropping hints about wanting therapy about that for God knows how long but when I shared a fact about myself you didn't know you went and said it is abnormal. Nice... I have been having nightmares thanks to a traumatic event for more than nine months and have been trying to get you to realise I want a therapist for that too but you didn't. 

How the heck do you want me to share things about myself when you DONT EVEN REALISE BASIC THINGS LIKE MY BAD SLEEPING PROGRAM. I have told you I'm getting nightmares like 10000 times and you didn't connect the dots? I litteraly joked about getting therapy because of it in hopes of realising that is actually what I need but you still didn't get that? And the one time I shared my beliefs and a fact about me. You 1) mocked them without knowing you are mocking me and calling gay people things and saying acephobic and arophobic stuff 2) Called me not normal twice in a weekend without even realising it....

I love my parents, I really do but they can be so obnoxious and thick.... They hurt me a lot and they don't even know.