Unbreakable

Chapter Thirty - Three

June's POV

It's too warm. I wake up and find a shirtless Ashton draped over me like an extra blanket. I try to move, but I still when he stirs a little, letting out a little murmur of disapproval. So I just lay there, overheated and in need of the bathroom, but I don't mind as I study his face.

His dark brown hair that's usually in a stylish quiff has flopped and hangs over his forehead. His eyes are closed, concealing what I know are the most amazing grey eyes ever - they hold so much mystery, yet never fail to convey his emotions. The dark circles under his eyebags don't go unnoticed. I can't imagine the kind of stress he's been going through. If last night was any indication, he's been holding a lot of frustration and other strong emotions in. Before last night, I didn't realize that I was part of the problem and now I'm feeling guilty.

My eyes continue to rake over his face and my gaze gets lower and lower. I smile as I see the faint freckles that dot his nose. You would never guess that this brooding, handsome man had freckles that made him look like a cute schoolboy.

Finally, my gaze lands on his lips. They are perfectly shaped, full and look so soft. I let my mind wander as I continue to stare. I remember the way they felt kissing up my neck - how it tickled when his lips brushed against my collarbone, how my skin felt scorched under every soft kiss, or how he lingered every time as if never wanting to lose contact with me again. Never once did he bite or lick, he just kissed and it was the most amazing thing I had felt, even after all my experiences in the pit.

Despite everything we did last night, never once did he try to kiss me on the lips, and it meant the world because even though he was lost in lust and desire, he still cared enough about me to stop when I asked and refrain himself from kissing me. But for some reason, I wish he had because I wonder what it would feel like with someone who actually cares about me.

Without thinking, I lean in closer to him until my lips are barely touching his. My breathing quickens as I debate whether I really wanted this. He's asleep, so he wouldn't be able to respond which makes me feel safer. I take in a sharp breath and close my eyes. Just as I'm about to press my lips to his, he mumbles something in his sleep and I pull back, shaking my head. I sigh and decide it's time to get up.

I slowly lift his arm off my waist, watching his face the whole time not wanting to wake him. When he's no longer weighing me down, I shimmy to the side and slide out of the bed. I quickly tiptoe to the bathroom and shut the door quietly, locking it. Leaning against the door, I sigh again and close my eyes, picturing the beautiful face I was just studying a few moments ago. How can a man so amazing want a girl as messed up as me? I wrap my arms around me as if I could shut the world out and protect myself from all the confusion and struggle. Slowly sliding down the door, I end up sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest.

My mind wanders again and I think about last night. All I wanted to do was feel safe in his bed. I never thought that I'd end up doing all those things with Ashton. A sudden flash of anger and betrayal goes through me, but it's gone as quickly as it had come. I needed it just as much as he did. I was so wrapped up in myself and so uncertain because of the way I was treated in the pit, that I never truly let myself be free. I thought I was making progress, but something was still standing in the way of making any real breakthrough, and that something was me.

I think back to when he was spanking me. Every hit reminded me of the pit, but it also helped me let go of it. I would remember something or someone, and then it was gone. Every time his hand made contact with my backside he took more and more of my memories from that place away and broke down my wall a little bit more. The warm, stinging sensation he left behind reminded me of my past and I realized that I didn't live there and could move on. I don't feel like I'm being crushed anymore. There is room now in my heart and in my mind for new memories and new experiences.

Knock, knock. "June, honey. Are you in there?"

My breath hitches as I hear his worried voice come through the door, shaking me from my reverie. He tries the door knob only to find it locked. He knocks again and when I don't answer, he sighs. Silence fills my ears for a few moments, but it's soon replaced by his regretful words.

"I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to do all those things. I just - you were just..." he stutters, groaning in frustration. "Please don't hate me."

I close my eyes and my heart aches for him as I hear the sorrow in his voice as he quietly pleaded. I could never hate him, in fact I'm so grateful for him. I quickly get to my feet and unlock the door. When I open it, a distraught looking Ashton Parker was revealed. He didn't look at me and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Hey," I coo softly, but he doesn't look at me. I step towards him and he steps back. I stop in shock, but step forward again. "I don't hate you."

"But you should," he says, raising his eyes to meet mine this time. "You have every right to hate me and to never trust me again. I disgust even myself."

Without thinking I reach up and hold his face in my hands - the gorgeous face I was admiring when I first woke up. "I don't hate you. I-I actually want to thank you."

His eyes widen and then his brows furrow in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's like you said: I needed it," I look into his eyes looking for any sign that he understood, but of course I found none. I sigh and continue, "I was scared at first, but I knew I could trust you. You proved me right when you stopped when I asked."

"I shouldn't have been doing that in the first place, though. Tell me you at least see that," he says, lifting his hands and grasping my wrists.

I nod my head and he relaxes a little. "You're right, but I'm glad you did what you did. I feel freer than I ever have and it's because of what we did. And then you were so gentle..." my voice trails off, embarrassed by what I was implying.

He smirks slightly and nods in understanding. I close my eyes and just relish in the moment. Never in my life have I ever felt so safe and so comfortable, and it's all because of this incredible man before me. I open my eyes again and see him staring intently at me. My breathing quickens and my desire to kiss him returns.

Please kiss me? I beg in my mind, but of course it doesn't happen.