Counting Stars (Itachi x fem!reader)

-3-

(La Seine And I - Vanessa Paradis, Sean Ono Lennon/Break My Heart (Nightcore) - Syrex)

~Those who forgive themselves, and are able to accept their true nature... They are the strong ones! -Itachi Uchiha~

All alone in my room. How so often, it was a sleepless night. No. Worse. A boring sleepless night. At first there was darkness, silence, me trying to force myself to sleep. Then I gave up, deciding to bother other for my own entertainment. They were interested in participating in a activity, but without me. So I had to be by myself. Something that helped with my boredom were dangos, but that didn't hold long. I lost my appetite pretty soon, while getting lost in thoughts. They wandered off to Toke-kun. To my surprise, Itachi was on my mind too. I let out an annoyed sigh as I remebered those special nights with him, Hotoke not Itachi. I barely knew Itachi. Sadly...

Flashback (4 years ago)

"Toke-kun! Be quiet or we'll get caught." I hushed him, sounding annoyed. "Don't worry little Y/n. You will just run away if we get caught." He told me as he pet my head, I rolled my eyes at the "little Y/n". We're only one damn year apart. Bastard. After making our way out, we sat down near a lake. Looking up at the moon my lips started to form a smile. This was a rare sight. I was only outside when the sun was too. The moon was way prettier than the sun though. "Wow." I heard Toke. He quickly turned his head to the sky as my eyes fell on him. "The moon is beautiful." I said amazed, turning my head to him. "I think you're more beautiful." Toke whispered to himself, I felt the blood rush into my cheeks.

"What?" I asked shocked, he turned his head to me, while wearing the same expression. He covered his face quickly while muttering some ununderstandable things. My face wore a soft smile, while I put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I think you're prettier than the moon too." I told him with a soft smile. He looked up at me, "Pfft... As if I'm pretty." I started to poke his forehead with two fingers, my worried expression turned into a annoyed one, "You are dumb. You can't see your own worth." I pouted, he chuckled, while pulling me closer to him. His arm was around my shoulder. "Well, that doesn't matter. I have this little pretty short tempered girlfriend, you know." He said, being way too happy.

"Idiot. You're lucky I like you."

"Aww, you never said that before."

Flashback end

The urge arised to look at the sky. It would make me feel better, maybe even sleepy. I walked past all these doors, which kept me from seeing what the other members, but stopped as I heard a loud explosion. Sasori's door flew at me. Due to me being a trained Ninja, I could have easily blocked the door without getting hurt. Sadly I couldn't show my skills, sinc someone pulled me out of harms way. The door slammed against the wall. Out of the puppet's room came smoke.

My attention was with the one, who pulled me away. I looked at Itachi, while he looked at doorless room. He was still holding my wrist. "Seems like blondie is gonna die." I said to myself, Itachi nodded in agreement. "Are you planning on letting go?" I asked, while holding eye contact with him. He broke it by looking at his very own hand. Then he let go. I had to chuckle. Kakuzu interrupted our bonding moment by asking questions about the smoke, which decoreted the hall. There was sadly no answer to said questions.

That was, until Sasori came out, looking pretty mad. I held my hand in front of my mouth to hold my laughter back. "Deidara!" He yelled as he walked towards blondie's room. There was so much anger inside of him. It was so easy to sense. I turned to Kakuzu with my hand up, "Pay up, handsy." He mumbled a few curse words as he gave me the money. I counted it as Pain-sama arrived too. Bets will be my main money source from now on.

"What did Deidara blew up this time?" He asked, already being done with the situation, with all of us. "Right! I totally forgot." I laughed, making my way to Deidara's room. Slowly opening the door, I witnessed a crime. Sasori was holding Deidara in a deadly grip while yelling at him. Deidara tried to explain that he was asleep and didn't do anything. "I don't want anything to do with that." I whispered as I closed the door again without making a sound.

Looking at the others once again, I tried to figure out what to say. "We should just let them." They listened to me, focusing on their past doings once again. I was alone with Itachi. We walked into the same direction. I had my hands behind my back. This man had the kind of aura that made me feel nervous. He left me unable to think. It felt good though. Any silence between us was comfortable. For once I didn't feel like I had to talk.

"Thank you for pulling me away." I decided to be polite for once. "Of course." He was nicer than expected. "I'm going outside to watch the sky, you wanna come with me?" I asked, Itachi stopped walking. He thought carefully about my offer. "I have dangos too." His face lit up. Not much. It was barely noticeable, but I paid attention to his expression. I knew that he wasn't going to reject my offer. "I'll be right back!"

---------quick change of location---------

It was great outside. Cold. But the relaxing kind. The kind were you could were light clothes without freezing to death. The night sky made it even better. I often thought about the purpose of life or about the meaning of forgiveness when I was watching the sky. Forgiveness was such a tricky topic. 

"Can I ask you a personal question?" I asked, not thinking any of this through. Itachi nodded, being curious. "Did you ever forgive yourself? You don't need to answer if you're not comfortable." There was nothing but silence. I couldn't bring myself to look at the Uchiha. There was no hope. Why would he even answer such question? He didn't even know me. I was so wrong about everything. 

"Who knows." He answered, I glanced at him. Nothing about his cold expression changed. "What did you do?" I looked suprised at the Uchiha. "What makes you think I did something and can't forgive me now?" I questioned, my arms being crossed in front of my chest. "Who said I was talking about such things?" I blinked, realizing what I just did. I sighed in deafeat and uncrossed my arms. "I'm responsible for dead people. That's all. No biggie." I shrugged with my shoulders. Itachi didn't understand how I could answer his question. It took trust to tell someone that you can't forgive yourself after killing someone. Was I stupid or did I remember? What was it? He couldn't tell.

"I can't forgive myself, because I'm not a monster. You can't forgive yourself, because you're not a cold hearted human whose only purpose is killing. I barely know you, but I can tell that you're a kind person with good intentions. I can sense it." I blurted out. Itachi didn't reply. That's where I realized my mistake. "I'm sorry! I spoke what was on my mind. I apologize if it offended you in any way." I said quickly as I looked at him with a worried expression. That I was worried about offending him took him off guard. "It's alright, don't worry. Still, I'm not the person that you think I am." Itachi said calmly. I shrugged with my shoulders and laid my head on his shoulder. He stiffened up at first, but his body relaxed soon enough. "Well, we'll see if I change my mind about you or not." If I would have looked at him, I would have noticed the little smile Itachi tried to hide. But I didn't.