In My Mind

Touchdown (Jazmine Sullivan/H.E.R.)

Jazmine

Let's talk about how I met her, the love of my life.

Flashback

I am on the plane flying to Florida, Lord knows I don't want to be on this death trap but here I am. I was awarded with one of the biggest opportunities so far besides my first record deal. I get the pleasure of singing the national anthem at SuperBowl LV. Which leads me to feeling both blessed and scared. It's two days before the big day and I'm flying in early to run through the performance a few times. H.E.R. is supposed to sing America The Beautiful and they got this white boy 'supposedly' helping me. Guess they couldn't let the black girls have their moment. I feel honored and scared. I know that my voice is a gift from God and I have to always do my best. This plane and me just ain't agreeing right now though. This turbulence is a mother******! Did I mention I hate airplanes. My manager is sitting across the aisle from me trying to keep me calm, she knows I hate these damn things. I'm trying to keep my mind on anything but this bumpy ass ride making me sick to my stomach.

Closing my eyes, I begin to hum lowly. It's something I do that helps to calm my nerves. I'm thinking about life, growing up in Philly, my mama, my family, friends, just anything to keep me at peace for the rest of this flight. About twenty minutes later the plane's jerky movement finally calmed down. If you think I'm scared, I'm not...I just hate heights and then I'm claustrophobic too. On top of the airplane just being an airplane, we are still dealing with COVD-19 and I have this damn mask on making my face sweat. See me and airplanes don't mix. I should have had a drink or something but that would have made me look like a drunk, afterall it is nine a.m. So no alcoholic beverages for me yet. Once the plane levels out the rest of the flight was pretty smooth. I was so happy to land, my manager Cindy keeps laughing at me. She says I was clutching the seat handles so hard it looked like I was going to pull them off. Thinking back I'm glad her crazy ass didn't sit next to me. Sometimes, scratch that, most times I think Cindy ass be high; but she does her job extremely well.

With the release of Heaux Tales, I am glad for its success. A lot of time and hard work went into the making of it. It's the compilation of the stories of many different relationships. My favorite song on the album is definitely "On It" with Ari Lennox. I describe it as the churchiest freak song I've ever heard. When Ari and I recorded it we had so much fun. From it a beautiful friendship arose. Something that has been bothering me though is that I found myself attracted to her. I mean I'm as straight as can be but I'm definitely a freak. I've neve really been attracted to women before but it was something about her that drew me to her. I ain't even trying to analyze it right now. I just know that there was an attraction before we recorded our song but I'm over it now. We're in the SUV on our way to check into the hotel. Cindy's still running her mouth but I have effectively and will continue to tune her out until she says something of importance. I'm still thinking about Ari's fine ass. Why? I have a whole man at home but lately I've been more attracted to women. Guess I'm changing as I get older.

At the hotel we checked in, I went to my suite and laid down to take a nap. Two hours later Cindy is knocking at my door saying we have a meet and greet to go to. Long as everyone there is wearing a mask then I'm okay. I'm a little paranoid about COVID because I know a few people who have either had it, know someone who had it or died from it. It's a little scary but I'm pushing through. So we head to this party and I walk in and all eyes seem to be on me. I know they're not but it's my self consciousness rearing its ugly head. Even after all this time in the industry I still fell out of sorts sometimes when entering a room of my peers. I make my way around the room greeting all the different people that I've mostly met before. There are so many people here but I'm looking forward to talking with Ciara, she's so sweet. I love the dynamic of her and Russell's relationship. While talking to Ciara, she enters the room and I can't take my eyes off of her. I literally mean H.E.R., I've never met Gabby personally but I've seen her from afar. Ciara follows my gaze and says "She's Beautiful."