In My Mind

Secret II (Beyoncé x Kelly)

When the door opened I was truly surprised. Tim was standing there with an odd expression on his face.

"I know you're about to hit the stage but this won't take long."

"What's up?"

"What happened between you and my wife? I been thinking about it for past two years and some change. I need to know. All I can think is that yall fought about something."

"Uh, umm. It's more than that but there isn't enough time for this conversation."

"When can we talk because every time I ask Kelly she shuts down on me and won't talk about it. I just want to see my wife genuinely happy, Bey. She's not the same without you in her life."

With those words he left just as quickly as he came. Now my head is all fucked up again. So had she lied to me saying she was happy but really wasn't? I called my stage manager asking for an additional ten minutes. Okay Beyoncé think about dancing, singing, the awesome show and your fans out there. I had to quickly pull myself back from going too far with thinking about Kelly. Tim showing up out of the blue fucked me up. Beyoncé you got this! You put in so much time, effort and work. Let's get this show on and running. Finally I was in the right headspace. I called my glam team back in to do one final go over to make sure everything was good and looked good. I was ready, I could hear the crowd screaming as I walked into place. My female drummer started beating her drum. Show Time. Immediately any other thoughts besides music and putting on a great show left my mind.

For however long I was on stage nothing else mattered. I was the stage and the stage was me. I fed off the energy of the crowd and loved every minute of the time I performed. When Kelly and Michelle joined me the energy was perfect. It was a little off with Jay but I think I was the only one who noticed it. The whole show was perfect and I couldn't thank every single person enough. It was mind blowing how great it was. I definitely feel like the emoji. (🤯) After the show we grabbed some food and headed back to our respective houses but not before I invited everyone over to my place to just kickback and chill. I decided not to fly out until the day after tomorrow. I desperately wanted to spend some time with just me and my babies. Shawn had business to attend to and I was fine with that. All I needed was the cook and my kids. I can't cook for shit, we all know that. My momma confirmed it.

Tonight the chef had prepared a small-ish feast of everything you could think of. I'm thinking of converting to a plant based diet. I've done it the entire time we've been in rehearsals and I kinda like it. I still want my junk food every now and then but I'm good with mostly plant products.

Back at the house I had showered, changed clothes and was eating a light snack. The kids were with the nanny at the house I rented for my mom. Blue was super duper excited to see Titan. My mom sent me and Kelly a video of them just hugging each other. I loved it but at the same time felt bad for fucking up my relationship with my best friend. Shawn had showered before me and left right after Kelly and Solange arrived. He was headed to New York and I was glad. I'm in the space where I can't stand to be around him for longer than an hour or two. Tonight was way longer than that time frame. I just wanted to spend time with people I really cared about. Now I was sitting in the living room talking with Ashley, Solange, Michelle and Kelly. Somehow it ended up turning into a girls night. I was cool with that, I miss the times we used to have nights like this. Without Kelly it just hadn't been the same in the two attempts that we'd done after Kelly stopped speaking to me. My mom, Richard and the nanny were watching all the kids.

It was good to have a conversation with my friends. I missed things like this. Kelly was smiling and laughing and it was beautiful. I realized that I was more than intrigued by Kelly. Her beauty surpasses every female in this room. How could I not love her? We were talking about music which is the passion of everybody in this room. Kelly was working on some new stuff, so was Solange and Michelle. Ashley was engaged to get married and he's a great guy. She told us all about him. How and where they met, what he did for a living, how he believes in her dreams just as much she does. It's a beautiful thing to see. We discussed so many things and eventually our conversation ended up on sex, which isn't unsual for us. Ashley asked the question, what or who's the best sex you ever had? Kelly slyly looked at me then smiled and I did the same. We both knew the answer to that question but we were NOT going to answer it. Or so we thought.