nyctophilia | dreamwastaken

him

TUESDAY:

2:28 am...

I let out a tense breath, making sure that my voice doesn't sound shaky as I start to speak. "It started a long time ago. I was a struggling teen with friend and family problems." I start off and Wilbur's face doesn't change.

"I met him on a bridge, in the forest next to this cottage. I didn't know he was going to be there, and from his surprise, he didn't expect me to be there as well. I didn't want to be friends, not after I lost all of my friends, but he didn't care. He still talked to me.

"Eventually, I gave in. I just- I don't know what happened, but we connected instantly. All because I let down my guard. After a month or so..." I pause, remembering his words perfectly. They echo in my head, and I temporarily fade for a second.

"I like you. I like you, and it's fine if you don't but- you're amazing and honestly, a little bit bitchy, but in a good way. You're perfect and you know what? I'm craving perfect right now."

I shake my head, feeling Wilbur's eyes searching my face. "What happened?" He asks and I continue with the story. "He admitted that he fell for me. And I did too." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

Wilbur's face changes a bit, softness entering his expression. The moonlight shines perfectly on him, and I can see the glint in his brown eyes. "But he- he left me. He never came back. He never came back for me." I hear the anger in my voice, and I can't hold back.

"I spent the next 2 years wondering where the hell he went. I was so fucking broken, and I just wanted him back. I wanted to know why he left me. I wanted to know why." I feel a tear drop, and Wilbur goes to catch it, his thumb wiping away my tear.

He pulls back and he places a hand on my shoulder. "God, that's-." "Now he's back, and he's pretending that we never happened. He's pretending like we never liked each other once, and he's pretending that he never hurt me."

I glance up at Wilbur, my bottom lip slightly trembling. "I want him to know what he's done to me. I want him to feel angry and guilty, just the way I've been feeling. I want him to know the pain I had to go through. But whenever I see him, everything melts. All my hurt, anger, everything.

"Instead, I get these butterflies and my heart goes crazy. I get red and embarrassed, and afterward, I feel like shit." Wilbur's lips turn into a sad smile. "I understand how that feels. But is it wise to keep it to yourself?"

I take in a shuddered breath, wiping my eyes. "That's what everyone says. 'You should tell him' or 'It's better if you let him know.'" I pause and shake my head. "It's not better. I don't want to tell him. It kills me when I keep it to myself, but I don't want to ruin his life, especially since he's moved into a new house literally a few days ago."

Then I look down at my hands, my voice quiet and soft. "But I want to ruin him as he did to me." Wilbur pulls me into a hug and I hug him back, feeling numb. I must look so pathetic and sad, but it's the truth. I am pathetic, and I am sad.

We hold each other for a moment longer, and he pulls back, brushing the hair out of my face. "I know you don't want to tell him, but it's best y/n. The longer you keep it to yourself, the longer you're killing yourself. Slowly, but surely." 

I let out a small noise and Wilbur tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Don't cry. You'll be alright." His words strike a hole in my heart and I press into him. We hug once more before we both pull away, my tears slightly staining his sweater.

I nod, and I laugh, sniffing. "Sorry to ruin your first night like this." "Oh no, I don't mind. You've never told anyone, have you?" Wilbur says and I stare at him confusedly. "Like, you've never told Niki the true story about him, have you?"