nyctophilia | dreamwastaken

push and pull

TW: mention of sa

SUNDAY:

By the time the evening rolls in, I'm completely exhausted. Earlier, I had to endure the process of being examined, checked, and touched. The feeling of hands all over me sparked discomfort throughout me but I remained quiet. I wonder if I was as quiet with the man.

He had continuously haunted me through every single moment of the day. When Niki and I had finally taken a break to head to lunch, I saw a couple. More specifically, a woman with the man that I thought was in my head. I immediately stopped but when he lifted his head, his eyes were brown.

Another time was when Niki decided to take a stroll around the park to help me calm down. I saw a man with his dog and was about to collapse from fear when he looked up. Although his body was quite lean and muscular, his face definitely was not the man from my head.

I shift in my seat on the couch as Niki runs a hand through her hair. "The results will come in three days from now." She sighs and I nod, my head distant. I shake my head and I get up abruptly. Niki follows close by, her eyes tracking my movement. "I think I'll... I think I'll go and take a stroll somewhere." I announce.

She stares at me and I meet her eyes. "Alone," I add, and Niki gives me a sympathetic look. "May I know where?" She asks and I wrack my brain for a spot. My brain immediately settles onto a spot that I used to go to, my painting was long forgotten in my closet. I give the best smile that my body can muster.

"The bridge." Niki studies me a moment longer before giving the subtlest hint of a nod. "Bring a coat and your things with you." She only says. I hug her tightly before heading upstairs. I change into sweatpants and a giant hoodie before grabbing my backpack. I decide to grab a few books and my phone.

When I head downstairs, Niki nods once at me before I open the door. I know that she's still immensely worried about what had happened the night before, but I needed to let her know that I wasn't too gravely affected by it. Or at least that's what I'm trying to convince myself.

As I head on the familiar path to the bridge, the trees and birds softly singing in the wind, I feel myself start to feel small. The fact that I was so close to... I shake my head. Stop it. I didn't decide to take a stroll because I wanted to go over what had happened. No, I did it so that I could calm down.

When I reach the bridge, the familiar outline of the river and rocks give me a sense of peacefulness. I drop my bag on the bridge as I jump on top of the railing, dangling my legs over the edge as I pick up a book. The natural feel of the paperback book gives me a moment of joy before I flip open to a page.

I spend the next moments reading, my body starting to relax and my emotions starting to sort themselves. It's only when I turn a page and a cold wind passes me that I stop, my body now tensed up. I glance side to side, slowly sinking a hand in my bag to grab my pocketknife.

When I wait a few more moments and hear nothing, I slip the knife into my jacket and continue, my eyes darting side to side continuously. After a moment, I let myself ease up a bit. I start to tune out the sounds of the rushing water and the sound of the crickets as the night arrives, the sunset burning out into a dark maroon and purple light.

I feel a shift in the air and I barely turn before I hear soft footsteps. I spin around and jump off the railing, dropping my book into my bag and glancing around. The forest creates a soft dark light as the last remaining sunset rays flow over the horizon. "Who's there?" I whisper, more to myself. When I turn to look to my right, I hear someone huff a small breath.

I turn to my left and my heart nearly drops all the way down to the river. Clay appears, his hair disheveled and his eyes casting a sad droop. I don't dare make a noise as he slowly walks up to me, his eyes glued to the bridge. He leans against the railing beside me, shoving his hands in his pocket. We both remain quiet as we stare at the other side of the river.