he found me. - a Jaythan fanfic

Chapter 16: "he lied to me"

Jay's POV:

I stared at my reflection in my coffee cup, and it stared back at me. We had another big gig today and all i felt was a disappointment to the band. I've been distant from all the boys recently and they don't even know why. All because of some stupid kiss with Nathan.
Well it's still his fault. He could've told me he had a girlfriend. He lied to me.

•••

We were getting ready to get on stage when i made eye contact with Nathan again. His eyes begged for forgiveness, but why should I? He was the one that was jealous when i 'flirted' with a dancer, and yet he wants me to forgive him for having a girlfriend? That boy makes no sense. I hate him. I really do.

•••

The gig was over halfway done and everything was fine. Just singing with the boys, and pretending to laugh from time to time.
Ignoring Nathan and trying to not show the fans that i was ignoring him, was the hard part though.

We started singing Lie To Me and i started off, as i usually do, alright.

We finished the chorus and Nathan stood forward and started his part.
As much as tried to stay calm, the lyrics seemed to stick into my head, they felt like knives stabbing me in the heart with every word he sang.

'So kiss me and tell me I'm the one
There's no other, no other one you want
Baby, kiss me, make sure you close your eyes'

I noticed a poster in the audience. About Nathan and Ariana and all my emotions came over me again. But this time i couldn't keep it to myself. No matter how hard i tried.

I took a step back and tried to breathe, but i couldn't. My breath feeling like it was slowly taking itself away from me.
My eyesight getting blurry as i felt a single tear burn my skin.

Why is this happening?
Not here. Not now.
I'm on stage in front of thousands and here i am looking like a complete idiot.

Nathan's verse ended and it was all of us time to sing. The boys were all near the stage at this point, not noticing me.

The microphone in my shaky hand. I tried to sing but the words weren't coming out. I tried and I tried but... nothing.

Many more tears started falling now. I felt like i was burning. My head was full with too much thoughts, feelings, whatever it could.

"i... i.. can't"
something finally came out my mouth. In the most quiet, raspy voice i've ever heard.

The boys turned around to see me. In the ridiculous state that i'm in.

I just felt like jumping off a cliff. Here i was, meant to be having the time of my life but i was standing here like an absolute coward.

I stepped back slowly and looked at all their worried faces.
Siva tried to walk over but before he had the chance, i turned around and ran backstage, just trying to get away from it all.
I don't care where.. just away.

I ran backstage and put my microphone on the first table i found.
I found an empty space and i crashed down, my knees hiding my head in shame.

I heard footsteps but i was too afraid to bring myself to look up. It could be Scooter for all i know, telling me what an idiot i am.

The footsteps got closer and i felt the person sat in front of me.

"Jay..."

I didn't need to sit up to to know who it was. The last person i wanted to see right now.

Nathan Sykes.

He started playing with my curls with his delicate touch and i smiled.
I was still hiding my face so he didn't see my smile.

"Nathan just leave me alone"
i said, with my raspy, croaky voice.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
He made me feel every emotion possible. Anger, Sad, Happy... Love, even... Jealousy.

"Jay, please..."

I snapped my head up
"i told you to leave me alone" more angrily this time.

I stood up and walked away from him.

The other boys' had finished the song and by this point, were in the corner watching our every move.

"no" he spoke

"no?!"

"what is wrong with you recently? Why do you keep ignoring me?!"

"fuck off Nathan"

"No! Tell me.. is it about Ariana?"

I span around and looked him in the eyes.
I grabbed his arm as tight as i could.

"i said..."
I wanted to tell him to fuck off again but i could see the pain in his eyes.

I released his arm from my grasp and he started to step back from me, noticing the other boys.

"....what happened to you.."
Nathan whispered in his gentle voice. Sounding like a scared little boy.

"You. You and your stupid little crush on me"
I said, without thinking.

The other boys' faces went from scared to shock.

Nathan turned to me.
He walked up to me and pushed me backwards
"what the fuck are you talking about?!"

I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him towards me, I kissed him.

I felt the fireworks come over me, like they did back in the hotel room. I put my arms around him and time seemed to slow down.

I didn't care what everyone else was thinking. All i cared about was this moment.

All the anger and worries i had seemed to fade away.

To my surprise, he didn't pull away...