HURRICANE

XXXV.

HOW DO YOU RESIST

CRUMBLING YOURSELF INTO

NOTHING WHEN YOU'RE

A CATERPILLAR TYPE OF

PERSON? WEREN'T YOU

DESIGNED TO WRAP YOURSELF

UP AND DISSOLVE INTO NOTHING?

.

i ask them 

after i tell this story

if we can take the train

as far as we can.

i wipe my face

as they nod.

we

actually

aren't that

far from the station.

i tell them i'll cover

the tickets 

and they nod again

probably not sure

what to say.

"now you know why

i keep my

happy things locked away."

i say.

we turn around

another cigarette 

in my mouth.

i'll need to get more.

"but it wasn't happy,

it was sad."

zayn says.

"i know. but she 

was the happiness

that you asked for.

i was simply saying

that everything happy gets

taken away from me.

so i don't want to say 

them out loud."

they nod like they understand

but liam is easily read

like a 

book

cover.

he is confused.

i 

am 

tired.

i swallow hard

as the silence envelops

us.

"the attic."

i say simply 

we are still walking

and they are surprised

i can tell.

they were startled

when i said it.

"what?"

zayn asks and liam

says nothing

but look curious.

they 

are 

beautiful.

they 

are 

beautiful.

"i was happy there."

i whisper.

"i could lock them out

there." 

i say. 

"i could write everything down

and leave it in there because my

parents didn't know where i kept the

key."

h i d i n g  p l a c e.

"it was somewhere i could run

when the bruises were too dark

or the silence was beckoning."

i close my eyes and stop

smiling.

they stop a few steps ahead.

a l o n e.

"it's where i learned to love

being

c o m p a n i o n l e s s." 

i meet their eyes.

brown.

but completely different.

bark and chocolate.

"before i met liam

i barely muttered a sentence

to anyone

before i came to that god

foresaken town. other than

'fuck me.' 

and now m'glad that you both

are

in 

my 

life."

their smiles

are enough.

we

walk.

we

walk.