LXXXII

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AFTER ALL OF THIS, 

ALL OF THIS, 

COULD IT BE POSSIBLE, 

COULD I STILL BE GOLDEN?

in this moment

my heart tears itself to pieces

and i have never felt something

as real as sadness

but this is not sadness

this is 

i cannot even fathom what 

this feeling is

crawling slowly with long legs up from my

chest

into my throat

and there it stays

for i will not utter a word

as we part. 

his fingers brush my cheek and i flinch. 

love is pain, don't you remember? 

after this, he pulls his hand away

as if i am broken glass. 

my words are trapped behind the feeling

trapped in my throat

claws starting to dig into my tongue. 

"then i am ready to die, louis." 

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