Trapped

-Chapter 4-

Sometimes I get these highs and lows. No one knows what affects me. No herb or song can cure it.

When I'm on a high, nothing matters except the pounding of my blood, the thoughts swirling through my head. I become crazy, reckless. And lows... the last time I had one I didn't move from my bed for three days. Not even to drink or eat. The one time, the only time, I went to see someone about it, it ended so badly I swore I would deal with this on my own. But there is only so much I can do.

Liability. Worthless. Stupid. Unnatural. The words that broke me now fuel me. I might be unnatural but I'm not foolish enough to underestimate myself. I am still human. I still have worth.

All these thoughts race through my head as the Kings Soldiers tower over the rugged wooden table at the bar. Running from them had not been my best idea. I was on a high and that could lead to my demise if I was not careful.

Keeping myself deathly still, I pray the shadows of my hood cloak my face into a man's complexion. Just a thin piece of fabric keep me from almost certain execution and that...that terrifies me more than I would like to admit.

"I shall give you one chance." The Captains voice projects around the room. "Raise your hood."

I take a deep breath. My brief 'high' moment was fading away quickly. I had to make a choice, the right choice. Fight or flee? Men hate defiance but I refuse die for such a stupid reason. I stand, turning face to face with the Captain. Suddenly the poem comes back to me.

A man, dark as the night. This man fits the description but...

Lives in a house by the water. Wouldn't a captain live near the moat, to watch out for the king? Not a general, who would live in the palace walls, yet more important than a mere mapmaker or such.

He fears that people know who he like. This, of course, means he likes men. But how would I know from sight?

And lead him to slaughter. Such a preference is punishable by death. I knew this before I had even left the Shack.

It's a long shot. And if this is not the man... well goodbye to my head. But this is the only lead I have.

So I grasp the back of the hood and tug it down, revealing my oh-too feminine face. The swords already drawn at me by the other soldiers get thrust dangerously close to me. One movement and my guts will spill on the floor. I see the Captains eyes widen and his jaw go slack for a moment as I reach up to draw an X on my temple. 

The mark of wisdom. The mark of the rebels. The mark of La-Vay.

I have declared myself as a Member. I have played my last card.

Now I just need to pray I won't be killed for my stupidity.

Yeah I have no idea where this is going or what I'm even doing but it's ok. I hope this chapter actually made sense and if anyone's confused please tell me what you don't understand and I'll try to fix it. Not my best chapter but its ok, enjoy!

P.s Yes, Ida is Bipolar. I don't think I explained it well but since this is set in the 'ball gowns and corset' age, I figured they wouldn't know what to call it.