Sincere Lies

Sixteen

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"Putang ina mong bata ka!" ang sigaw ni Mom nang sabunutan niya ako't hilahin palabas ng kwarto. "Pinapaaral ka namin sa magandang school tapos makakakuha ka ng 79% na ratings sa exam?"

Iwinasiwas ni Mom ang mga exam papers ko sa mukha ko at itinapon sa harap ko.

"M-Mom, talagang mababa lang magbigay ng rating ang—"

"Anong mababa?!" she shouted. "Wala akong paki! Mag-aaral ka na nga lang, e!"

"Mom, hindi po madali!"

Isang malakas na sampal ang inabot ko. Napakahapdi ng pisngi ko nang maramdaman ko ang palad ng ina ko.

"Ayusin mo buhay mo, Stephanie," ang sabi ni Mom at saka umalis. "Hindi ko gusto 'yang ginagawa mo."

Nang hindi ko na nakita si Mom, tumulo lahat ng luha kong pinipigilan kong lumabas. Ang sakit lang na hindi nila nakikita ang mga oras na sinusubukan mong labanan ang failure. I would try every time, and they would judge every time they see the fruits but never the roots. She would never be there for me when I would review or do my schoolworks, and she would never show support. But when it comes to my final grades, she would always come and scold me for having something low.

But then an idea rung my head like an alarm. All at once, I knew what I should be doing.

I ran to my shelves then to my desk where I pulled my case of charcoal pencils, and I was ready to jump with all my frustrations into the paper of art. I sat and stared at the charcoal paper, still not aware of what I was about to do. Within minutes, I had already made a raw picture of the men in black that followed me the afternoon I first went to Town in a Building. And as more minutes passed by, I stumbled upon more details to add that frightened me at the end of my craft-making.

"What the heck did I do?"

I stood up and took a step back, digesting the frightening picture I just drew in black and white.

"Damn," I mumbled as my hands quickly made their way to hide the picture of the men in black before I hid my materials.

Nang matapos ko nang ligpitin ang pinag-drawing-an ko, alam ko na kung saan dapat ako pumunta. And this time, I knew it was scarier.

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Malapit na ako sa Town in a Building. Kaunti na lang at mawawala na sa pananaw ko noon ang mga taong nakaitim na nakatitig sa akin. Hindi sila tumatakbo. Hindi pa.

"Please po, 'wag!" ang sigaw ko nang makita kong tumatakbo na sila palapit sa akin.

Doon na ako nagdesisyong tumakbo papunta sa lugar na alam kong magliligtas sa akin. Hindi na ako lumingon pa habang tumatakbo ako dahil mas lalo lamang akong kinakabahan. Naramdaman ko na ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko nang ilang metro na lang ang layo ko sa Town in a Building. Mas kinabahan pa ako nang mapagtanto kong wala pa akong suot na mask. So I rummaged my sling bag to search for my mask as I was running, looking back on the people in black.

Pagkalingon ko ay bigla kong napansin na wala na sila. Damn, that was close. Thank goodness.

Hinawakan ko ang mask ko nang maigi dahil nanginginig pa rin ako. Malakas pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa mga taong humahabol sa akin, pero bigla naman silang nawala. Kaya salamat na lang talaga at nagkagano'n, I thought as I leaned against the cold wall of Town in a Building.

Tumayo na ako nang maayos nang makahinga na ako nang mas maluwag. Hindi pa rin ako dapat magpakakampante. They can be here, still.