Sincere Lies

Eighteen

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"Dear, ano ba nangyari? Nakatulala ka na naman diyan?" ang biglang bati sa'kin ni Lannie pagkapasok niya sa bahay namin. "Parang hindi na ilang buwan ang lumipas no'ng nag-break kayo ni Chris, ah?"

"I mean 'si Cerulean at Chris'," she added, as if it wouldn't hurt me even more.

"May bago na siya," I said, looking down. "Sabi niya. And sabi rin niya back then, he won't pursue more romantic relationships inside Town in a Building after ours. But he just did."

"What? Wawa ka naman," Lannie jokingly said then cackled.

"Yeah," I replied. "Pero sabi rin niya, 'di pa talaga 'sila,' you know what I mean? Takot daw siya sa commitment."

"Aw, that's. . . sad," Lannie said, facing me more.

"Pero bakit ako magseselos, 'di ba?" I said. "Wala na kami. Or kung mayroon mang 'kami' in the first place."

"All I experienced was a relationship that wasn't even mine," I added. "And I think, even if Cerulean or I may not be the best girlfriend for him, I know that. . . nobody can replace the Cerulean he loved—if ever he did."

"Yes, gurl, tama ka riyan," she said, reassuring me as I still couldn't help but frown, even with the words I said. "At least kayo, naging official. Eh, sila, hindi official."

I looked up to her to see her reaction, and all I saw was the smirk she always had on her face whenever she would say something that would make you really think and realize things. And. . . I think that made me feel relieved. Call me selfish and all, but thinking about how any other girl will experience Chris's care and love, goodness, it makes me so scared and mad. I didn't want any other girl to experience what I experienced. And I hated the thought of it because it was so selfish.

"Oo nga," I said upon remembering Lannie's words. "Oo nga. You're right."

And with that, I think I felt better even just for a bit.

---

After walking down the strip-carpeted floor by the black screen where the mask codes were written on and after writing my mask code, I stepped past the bleeping checking machine you walk through in malls as well. And like any other day, I immediately saw Chris, waiting for me, but this time, he was sitting amongst the chairs and tables on the first floor.

That made me smile. Damn. It's crazy how this man can absolutely make me fall head over heels for him by just being himself. I wish I act like I am not so whipped for him though. Magmumukha lang akong tanga.

Pero buti na lang talaga ay panaginip lang 'yong naghiwalay na kami ni Chris. I would literally be so broken if ever that happens. I will never know how to handle that. And good thing, hindi ko na masyadong maalala ang details ng panaginip ko dahil ayaw ko nang maisip pa ang thought na hindi na ako o si Cerulean ang mahal ni Chris.

"Hey," I greeted as I smiled at Chris, who was looking down the table with his face partly hidden from me.

"Hey," he looked up at my face as I sat opposite to him. "How's your day?" He clenched his fists and pulled and hid them away from me. In the most obvious way.