Sincere Lies

Three

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I don't like the way I was walking around, looking away, and. . . well. . . living this very day. My thoughts rode this way again. I wasn't thinking this way noong kasama ko si Lannie. Nagiging ganito lang naman ako kapag nasa school ako o kaya minsan, kapag mag-isa ako. . . at kinakabahan ako. And that's it. I'm here in our classroom, and I feel uncool again. Like everyone got their friends except. . . .

Damn.

"Abby," I called as soon as I saw the cleverest way of walking from a girl within my circle of friends in school. . . in school. "Sure ka bang sabay tayong uuwi?"

Tinatamad na uminom si Abby sa tumbler niyang parang hindi nauubusan ng tubig. Tumango siya, and I didn't know if I still wanted to walk through the school's gate with her. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko talaga, pero naramdaman ko na 'yong pakiramdam na parang hindi niya man lang ako naririnig o nakikita. I was hurt, of course, lalo na kapag may ibang kaibigan na siyang kasama. Naiiwan na lang ako bigla sa likod.

In this school, she is my classmate that knows me the most because we've been classmates since we were on our fourth year of Junior High School, and I value her, of course! Now, we're on our first year of Junior High School, and it's not impossible if she would want a new classmate as a new closest-buddy-yet.

I mean. . . Dad said it's normal and I shouldn't make a fuss about it. Pero nakakalungkot kaya.

"Wait lang," walking to the canteen's door, Abby said. "Bibili lang ako. Nakakagutom."

Sinundan ko siya sa canteen, at kinuha ko ang phone ko sa bulsa ng school uniform ko. The first thing I saw on my phone's screen (after it lit up) was the notification that tells me that I have a text message. I glanced at Abby, who was about to fall in line.

"Bibili ka ba?" ang tanong niya.

"Ah," I said, "hindi, e."

"Sige."

I looked around for the nearest table with the vacant seats, and I found one that was just few strides away from where I stood. I sat down on one of its chairs while putting my bag on my lap. I kept my eyes back at the screen of my phone to control my emotions. A message from Lannie lit up my face. Our memories in Town in a Building rushed into my mind as I tapped the notification to read it.

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Lannie: dear, susunduin ka namin sa labas ng school niyo. punta tayong Town in a Building, hoho.

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I wanted to be with Lannie. You know. . . being with your closest friend in your circle. The Town in a Building was just one of the things that bond Maddie and Lannie with me. It was a place I could be in without becoming ashamed that I don't watch in Netflix. I just wanted to be real. Parang laging may magdya-judge sa akin sa lugar na ginagalawan ko. Ang hirap maging totoo at mag-pretend na alam mo ang ginagawa mo sa araw-araw, but when I am with these friends of mine, I am real. Ugh, too dramatic. Buti na lang, last day ko na sa school ngayong 2017, at Christmas vacation na.

With the excitement about being real (and not much about going to Town in a Building) in my veins, I typed.

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