Sincere Lies

Twenty-Six

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Chris wasn't mine anymore. But he loves me. I know it. He's just afraid, I convinced myself.

I could still remember how he used to almost kiss me. I could still remember how he placed some of my locks behind my ear. I could still remember how he drove me home. I could still remember how he wanted me to feel gorgeous on his very birthday.

Chris was everything I wanted. He was everything I needed in the real world or in the fake one.

"I wish I could tell you how much I love you." I could still remember how he caressed my back like I wouldn't be his until the day we would die.

As I walked down the street, my earphones plugged into my ears, I let out a sigh. A sigh that could tell a story of how a sentence could break one person's heart. There were tears for him, and each one took so much of me. Each one tore me apart so bad that I walked along streets around our neighborhood, that I didn't want my parents to see me crying.

Every time I remembered his name, his eyes, his scent, or his memories with me, it would take a moment for everything to sink in. Napakahirap tanggapin. Parang kahapon lang noong naging kami. Parang kahapon lang noong nanaginip akong hindi na akin si Chris. Parang hindi isang linggo ang lumipas simula noong sinabi ni Chris na hindi na tama ang ginagawa namin.

Pero bakit? Paanong hindi na tama ang ginagawa namin? Paanong hindi na kami puwede? Paanong naging mali ang pagmamahalan namin? Dahil ba nasa lugar kami ng kasinungalingan? Dahil ba si Cerulean lang ang mahal niya?

Dahil ba ayaw niya na sa akin?

Dahil ba hindi na ako masaya kasama? Dahil ba hindi na ako maganda sa paningin niya?

I wished I could tell him how much I loved him again. I wished I could hold him in my arms again, and I wished that I could bring the past back just so I could live in the happiest moments again. I wished that this was just one of his pranks.

I wished that I had paid so much attention to his eyes whenever he said those I-love-you's.

Napatingin na lang ako sa langit. This was my first heartbreak. My first real heartbreak over someone I truly gave my heart to. Five months din 'yon. Actually, magsi-six months na nga, e. We loved each other for five months, and I wasn't sure if he still loved me or Cerulean, but one thing was for sure: I still loved him.

Madilim ang langit nang tumingala ako.

Hindi madaling itapon ang limang buwang pinaramdam niya sa akin na ako ang pinakamagandang babaeng nakilala niya. Hindi madaling itapon at kalimutan na lang ang limang buwang pinaramdam niya sa akin ang pinakamasasayang dahilan para mabuhay.

Hindi madali.

Ibinaba ko ang tingin ko sa kung ano ang nasa harapan ko, at nagulat ako sa nakita ko sa may kabilang kanto.

The people dressed in black. The ones who chased me the afternoon I first got to Town in a Building. They were, as if, waiting for me to come forward. They were looking at me.

I blinked twice to make sure I was seeing everything right, that they were just waiting and not running after me.

But when I looked at where they were, they seemed to disappear.

They just disappeared, didn't they?

What the heck?

Lumingon ako sa likod ko para masigurong wala na nga ang mga taong nakaitim, pero nang makalingon ako, iba ang nakita ko.

Gideon Thorne.

I saw Gideon, in all-black, a twenty-two kind of gun in his hand, as the song "Tied Together with a Smile" played in my earphones.

"Kasama ka rin ba ng mga taong humahabol sa akin noon?" ang bigla kong tanong. "Kasama ka rin ba sa mga taong 'yon?"

Gideon didn't answer.

"Don't come near me, please," I said, crying as Gideon came closer to me, his hand still wrapped around the twenty-two.

I cried as if I was heartbroken twice and as if my life was in danger. Because it was.

Gideon was looking at me like he never wanted to hurt me, but there was a gun in his hand. Gideon looked at me like he loved me, but his other mask, Chris, broke my heart. Gideon looked at me like I was so beautiful.

Oh, shit, I thought. I'm not wearing my masquerade mask.

" 'Wag kang lalapit," I cried as I tried to cover my face with my hands.

Gideon didn't speak, his mask dark and mysterious, but he was coming near me. I couldn't run. He could shoot me in just a second. I still didn't know whether he knew I was Cerulean or not. He could either be harsh with me or loving with me.

"Gideon," I said, crying. "I-I'm Cerulean. Please don't hurt me." It was better that way. It was better that he knew who I was rather than be in danger.

I looked around. We were standing on a bridge, and there was flowing water below. I didn't know which part of the city I was in, and I thought that I was lost. Must I just jump off the bridge? Nakita niya na ako nang walang mask, hindi niya na ako mahal, at may dala siyang baril ngayon. I might lose everything, but jumping can be easier.

No. I don't want to.

I can't.

My mind was back and forth, careless then careful.

Gideon was standing in front of me, inches apart as he touched my face like I was beautiful, like how we had always been, concern in his eyes. Hindi na ako makagalaw nang lumapit siya sa akin.

All I could do was unplug my earphones from my phone as I was scared that he might hurt me. I needed to hear him well. I needed to be alert.

"Are you going to hurt me?" I said, eyeing the tattoo design of footprints on his neck. I had never seen him with a tattoo before.

"Since when did you get your tattoo?" I said, closing my eyes upon his touch.

The moment I closed my eyes, I felt him remove his hands touching my face. Upon opening my eyes, I saw that he was gone.

Lumingon ako sa paligid para mahanap kung saan nagpunta si Gideon. He was nowhere close to me, and it was physically impossible to hide that quickly from me. It was like he just disappeared into the thin air. Just like how the people in black disappeared.

I felt a chill along my spine as I imagined what they could be. Could they have supernatural powers?

Or could they be unreal?

"Cerulean!" I heard Lannie call.

Finally, someone.

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