You and I

Chapter 2: Girl Crush

Chapter title from "Girl Crush" by Little Big Town.

Sharon couldn't sleep that night. Usually if she couldn't sleep in the tour bus, it was because of one of the guys snoring, bumps in the road, or the music the driver was playing. But tonight it was because of Tarja.

Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was her raven hair, those shining green eyes, and sharp cheekbones. She heard her low, sweet laugh and remembered the feeling of the tickle of her hair on her neck as Tarja had put her head on her shoulder.

She turned over again and again, trying every possible position to get comfortable, but nothing worked. Eventually she gave up and quietly slipped out of her compartment and to the back of the bus where there was a couch against the rear window. This was where she would often come to think or have a moment to herself when there was too much activity going on in the front area.

The sun began to rise, and she watched as the golden glow spread over the road, steadily getting brighter.

Why couldn't she get this woman out of her mind? Was she jealous of her? Did she want to be like her?

Sharon dragged a hand across her face as her mind spun on the same questions she had been asking herself since the day before. She had always been pretty secure in who she was, and no one had ever made her feel this unsettled before. But the more she thought about it, it wasn't necessarily a negative emotion. Maybe it was just intense admiration.

"You're up early."

Sharon looked up to see Ruud walking into the space and plopping down on the couch next to her.

She shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"Was I snoring?"

She shook her head. "Actually, no. Not this time."

"I would have thought you would have been exhausted after last night. You okay?" he asked, his brow knitting as he studied her face.

Sharon sighed. He knew her too well for her to brush this off as nothing. "Have you ever ... enjoyed being around another guy so much that you've felt almost giddy? Like, you really like everything about them and couldn't get them out of your head? Not romantically," she said quickly, "but you just really admire them and like being around them?"

She bit her lip and met his gaze to see him looking at her with an amused twinkle in his eye. "This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Finnish singer you were hanging around with yesterday, would it?"

She dropped her head into her hand. "I guess that wasn't a very good hypothetical situation," she mumbled.

Ruud laughed.

"Was it obvious?" Sharon lifted her head again.

"You seemed really happy around her, kind of giddy, like you said."

"Do you think she noticed?" she whispered. A blush crept into her cheeks at the thought.

"Hey," Ruud said, reaching out to put a hand on her arm. "It's okay. You're probably overthinking this. And if she did, I'm sure she wouldn't mind--she would probably be flattered. Don't sell yourself short."

She smiled weakly, feeling slightly better. "Thanks."

He gave her arm a gentle squeeze and then got up, starting toward the kitchen.

"Ruud?"

He turned around.

She swallowed. "Please don't tell Robert."

He smiled. "I won't tell him about your little crush. Your secret's safe with me."

Her blush darkened. "It's not a crush. It's just ..." She sighed, her voice sounding unconvincing even to her own ears. "It's just a girl crush. Or something."

He winked. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

She got up and followed Ruud into the kitchen, determined to put thoughts of Tarja out of her mind. She had other things to worry about, and fixating on this was silly. The next time they would see each other would be at M'era Luna in August. She had two months to sort out her feelings and pull herself together.

But a little voice at the back of her mind asked, If it's silly, why was it so important to make sure Ruud didn't tell Robert?

* * *

By the time M'era Luna rolled around, Sharon was feeling better about the situation. She just had a little girl crush on the other singer, and who wouldn't? She was beautiful, talented, successful, and she was fun to be around. She was sure the nerves would wear off as they spent more time together and she got to know her more.

But when they arrived at the venue, she felt her heart rate kick up as she scanned the backstage area for Tarja, trying to see if she was already there. She wondered what she would be wearing, if she would have her hair up or down.

She busied herself with making a cup of ginger tea and organizing her things in the dressing room. She was in the main room talking with the guys when she saw Ruud smile at her knowingly, and she turned around to see Tarja walking toward them. Her hair was pulled back into a claw, and she was wearing a black hoodie and jeans.

Her face lit up when she saw Sharon, and she immediately pulled her into a hug when she had come close enough.

"So good to see you again," Tarja said.

"Same here. Ready to rock?"

Butterflies fluttered in Sharon's stomach as the intro to Paradise started. It had been a great show so far, and adrenaline was already pumping hard through her veins.

Tarja began to sing the operatic opening notes, stepping out onto the stage in a white corseted dress. When Tarja walked up the stairs to her, she noticed that she had on shimmering turquoise eyeshadow that matched her own.

They hugged, and Sharon struggled to get enough air into her lungs to keep singing.

"Tarja, everyone!" she shouted into the mic.

When they weren't singing, they danced, jumping in time with the beat of the song. That giddy, high feeling ran through her again, all the way to the last note of the song.

Once they had finished the encore songs and said their goodbyes to the roaring crowd, Sharon followed the guys backstage. Tarja was waiting for them in the wings, still in her dress. She pulled Sharon in for another hug.

"You guys were amazing to watch."

"Thank you!"

"We should take a picture," Tarja said as they walked backstage. "Something to post for the fans."

"Great idea!" Sharon said.

The other singer held out her phone and leaned her head against Sharon's. There was the scent of her jasmine shampoo again, light and clean.

"I like how you did your eyeshadow. We match," Sharon said.

Tarja grinned. "Thanks. I thought it would be cute to match with you."

She snapped a few shots with her phone.

"Send those to me?" Sharon said.

"Of course."

Sharon retreated to her dressing room to change, and then made herself another cup of tea. Tarja emerged from her dressing room a moment later and waved at Sharon as she shouldered her purse.

"Do you want to meet later? For a drink or something?" Sharon blurted, realizing that she desperately didn't want her time with Tarja to end.

Tarja's smile widened. "Yes, absolutely!"

Sharon's heart leapt. "When are you free?"

"Does 9 work?"

"Sounds perfect," Sharon said. "Do you just want to meet at the hotel bar?"

Tarja nodded. "See you then!"

Sharon watched her disappear through the door, and her eyes lingered on the space she had just occupied, the room feeling suddenly empty. But she had a skip in her step as she walked back to her dressing room to gather her things, already counting the minutes until 9.