You and I

Chapter 5: Is it chill that you're in my head?

Chapter 5: Is it chill that you're in my head? / Cause I know that it's delicate

Chapter title lyrics from "Delicate" by Taylor Swift.

~Spice~ rating: mild 🌶/🌶🌶🌶

Tarja and Sharon kept their promise to each other--they wouldn't go that long without speaking again. It was sometimes difficult to find time around Tarja's touring schedule, but they kept in touch more consistently, whether it was through texting, Skype, or using the Netflix Party extension to watch a movie or show together. Tarja texted her regular updates on Game of Thrones and called her to rant and cry when a character she had liked was killed off (which happened quite frequently).

Sharon would sometimes say things that would make Tarja question if she was flirting, but just like on their first Skype call, it was ambiguous enough that she couldn't tell if she was just being friendly. And maybe Tarja was just hearing what she wanted to hear.

And when they weren't communicating, the other singer was constantly on her mind.

One evening in mid November, Tarja was relaxing by the pool after a long day of writing new music and online meetings with her record label. She was at home for a two week break in between her Europe tour.

She and Marcelo had swum with Naomi after dinner for a while. She still had to use floaties on her arms, but she loved the water and was getting more and more confident each time they swam. Tarja and Marcelo had stood apart and had her swim in between them, and she eventually was able to swim almost the whole length of the pool. They had given her a bath and put her to bed, and then Tarja had returned outside. Marcelo hadn't followed her. She was pretty sure he had been able to sense that she wanted to be alone.

Her phone vibrated, and she picked it up off the table next to her, smiling when she saw Sharon's name on the screen.

"Hey!" she said.

"Hey, do you have time to talk? I know I called out of the blue."

Her heart did its usual jump it did whenever she heard her friend's voice. She melted at the sound of her Dutch accent. She had noticed a while ago that Sharon could never quite pronounce the th sound, and now she smiled every time she heard it.

"Yes, absolutely." Tarja said. "I'm so happy you called. How are you?"

"Pretty good. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Are you outside? I thought I could hear insects chirping or something."

"Yes, I am! I'm by the pool. We were swimming with Naomi earlier. I was maybe going to go in the sauna later too."

"Mm, that sounds nice. I wish I could join," the other singer said, laughing.

Tarja swallowed. It was things like that, that Sharon said that she couldn't figure out their meaning. She knew that you didn't wear clothes in saunas, right? But she wasn't Finnish. Maybe she didn't know that.

"Tarja?"

She cleared her throat. "Yeah, sorry. I zoned out for a second."

Sharon laughed again. "It's okay! I was just asking how things have been with you ... and Marcelo. I know we haven't talked about that in a while."

"Yeah ... things--they haven't really changed. I don't know what to do," she admitted, biting her lip and staring out over the clear surface of the pool.

She heard Sharon take a deep breath. "You're not alone in this," she said. "I mean, you're not the only one having ... those types of problems."

"What do you mean?" Tarja said quietly. She wasn't sure if Sharon was speaking in a general sense or if she was talking about her and Robert specifically. Back in her hotel room in Germany, Sharon had mentioned experiencing the same kind of strain she did coming home from tours, but she had no idea if it ran any deeper than that.