You and I

Chapter 22: It's a wicked game life plays / How it gives and takes away

Chapter 22: It's a wicked game life plays / How it gives and takes away

July 14, 2019

Vizovice, Czech Republic

Chapter title lyrics from "Mercy Mirror" by Within Temptation.

The shrill blaring of her alarm was a cold and unwelcome wakeup for Sharon the next morning. Sleep clung to her eyes as she reached over to slap the snooze icon on her phone, only to realize her arm was pinned under someone. Tarja. She closed her eyes for a brief second as the events of the previous night slowly made their way back to her. When she opened them again, Tarja was looking up at her through half-lidded eyes.

"Hey," Tarja whispered.

"Hey," she replied. The alarm went off again. "Sorry, I just need to—"

The other woman scooted out of the way so Sharon could turn it off. She unplugged her phone and sat back against the pillows, sighing. The screen read 6:01 am. Her head was throbbing, and her eyes were burning—it felt like she had gotten no sleep at all. She wasn't sure what time they had finally gone to sleep, but she was fairly certain it hadn't been that long ago.

"What time do you have to leave?" Tarja asked. Sharon could hear the slight hesitation in her voice, like she was afraid of breaking the perfect bubble that was still tenuously surrounding them.

"We have to be on the bus by seven," Sharon said without looking over. She knew if she did, she might never get up.

She forced herself to focus on one thing at a time. Swinging her legs off the bed. Taking one step toward the bathroom. Then another. And another, until she had reached the shower. After she was done, she let the hot stream of water run over her skin for a few more precious moments, not quite ready to face reality.

She got ready while Tarja showered, putting on light makeup and brushing her hair. But focusing on the small tasks wasn't enough anymore. A pit was forming in her stomach and inching its way up into her throat, making it hard for her to breathe. Her hands were shaking so badly as she put her makeup back into its bag that she dropped her bottle of foundation in the sink. It shattered, and she quickly wiped up the pieces with one of the spare towels from the rack above her and swept them into the garbage.

She went back into the room while Tarja got dressed in the bathroom with the intention of gathering her things, but she simply couldn't find the energy. What she had to do was spinning through her mind and weighing her down. She sat on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands, massaging her temples in a vain attempt to control her building headache.

It was five words. Five simple words that she had to say to the other woman.

To the love of her life.

But it was anything but simple. It would change everything.

Tarja emerged a moment later, and Sharon looked up. For the first time that morning, Sharon forced herself to really look at Tarja. She stood in the doorway between the bathroom and the main room, her purse over her shoulder. And when Sharon finally looked into her green eyes, she saw a deep sadness behind them.

Swallowing hard, she got up from the bed and walked over to her. Holding the other woman's gaze, Sharon took a piece of her hair and gently smoothed it behind her ear and let her thumb trail over her cheek. She tried to commit every detail of her face to memory.

Tarja inhaled shakily, and her voice came out quiet and choked, like it was taking everything she had to force the words out. "We can't have this anymore, can we?"

She knew.

Sharon didn't have to say the five words that had been haunting her all morning. We can't do this anymore. Somehow, hearing Tarja say it was so much worse.