You and I

Chapter 18: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Chapter 18: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
May 2018

Chapter title lyrics from "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

"How have you been?" Tarja's voice was quiet and gentle.

Sharon leaned back against the headboard of her bed, pulling her knees to her chest. The day of her father's funeral in April had been unseasonably warm and sunny, but the cold had set right back in, and she knew it wouldn't let up until sometime in June. It had been raining all day, and the grey skies and steady patter of rain had made her crawl back into bed after she had finished cleaning up from breakfast. The kids were at school, and Robert was out running errands. She had spent the morning reading until Tarja had called.

It had been a month since her father's death, and some days were easier than others. After the funeral, she had started forcing herself to get out of bed and do simple tasks, however small, to regain some sense of normalcy. She had done promotion for My Indigo, but she hadn't been able to write anything else for the new Within Temptation album. The writing had been going well before her father had passed away, but she hadn't been able to get words out since then.

Some days she was able to help the kids with their homework and make dinner, even talk to friends. But others, it was all she could do to get out of bed, brush her teeth, and prepare food, and even that left her exhausted. And today was one of those days.

"I'm ... okay," she said. She had fixed herself a cup of tea before getting back into bed, and she stared down into the dark liquid in the mug she had situated on her lap. "It's just ... it's one of those days."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Tarja said.

"It's okay. Everything just feels so heavy right now."

"I know," Tarja said softly. "You're okay. You're getting through it."

Sharon took a sip of tea and glanced at the clock. It was almost 11.

"You're up early," Sharon said. Tarja was on tour now, in South America, so it wasn't even 6 there. After the funeral, they had spoken almost every day, but it had become more scattered when her tour had started.

"We're travelling today, so I wanted to make sure I talked to you before we left," Tarja said.

Sharon smiled. "I feel so honored that you chose me over sleep."

"I'd choose you over anything."

"Oh, Tari," Sharon whispered. "I miss you. How are your shows going?"

"Good, everything's good. It's really nice being back here, and the audiences have been amazing. But I just miss you so much."

"I know. Me too. I hate being on the other side of the world from you."

"When do you think we can see each other again?" Tarja asked. "Do you have plans this summer? You're not touring until the fall, right? I'm doing a few festivals, but we could always figure something else out if we can't meet at one of those."

Sharon swallowed hard. "I—I would love to. But this summer, that's when Robert and I are getting married."

She hadn't meant for the words to come out so bluntly, but there was no taking them back.

"Oh," Tarja said quietly. "Right. Of course."

Sharon realized that Tarja knew as well as she did that planning and executing a wedding didn't take up a whole summer, especially because it was going to be just their family and closest friends. It was the fact that they were getting married, not the wedding itself.