BxB Cashby Healed My Heart (Completed)

Chapter 5

My heart pounded against my ribcage as I tried to sneakily wipe the tears from my eyes. This wasn't happening...no, he can't see me like this! He'll think I'm crazy! Maybe I am crazy...

"What's wrong?" He took a step towards me, "And don't lie to me and say that you're fine..."

I physically couldn't talk. The lump in my throat was too big and my mind was frozen. I didn't know what to say. There's always that part of you that wishes someone would notice that you're not okay but at the same time...you never want anyone seeing you like this. And now that it was happening, I couldn't cope.

"I-I just..." I tried to talk, "I-I feel sick..."

"Don't bullshit me," He shook his head, "Please tell me what's wrong..."

"I can't..." I whispered.

"Why not?" He folded his arms across his chest.

It was like emotion burst out from inside of me, "Because I don't know what's wrong! I'm such a fucking screw up! People have real problems and I'm here hating my pathetic, worthless existence! I guess I deserve to feel this way for being so fucking selfish!"

I was shaking from head to toe when I looked at Austin. He looked like he's just witnessed someone murdering a kitten in front of his eyes. He looked pained and in absolute shock at the sight of me.

Panic rose in my gut as I covered my face with my hands, "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I-I'm trying, I really am!"

I was sobbing and my lungs were screaming for oxygen as he ran towards me and caught me in his strong arms. I couldn't breathe as Austin supported my weight and I was in such a bad state that I didn't care that I was spilling my heart out. I just grabbed hold of his shirt and tucked my head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"Hey...ssh," He cooed, "Everything's going to be okay...you're going to be fine. I'm here for you..."

I scrunched up his shirt in my fists as I shook my head. Everything wasn't going to be fine. I was sobbing in front of someone that I'd barely known a week and I couldn't handle the pain I was feeling right now. I just wanted to die. I didn't want to exist anymore...I was so done.

I was taking quick short breaths and I literally couldn't get enough oxygen to my lungs. I felt like I was dying, I couldn't breathe. Everything was crashing down...

"Alan," Austin put his finger under my chin so that my eyes could meet his, "You've got to breathe. Breathe with me okay?"

I just nodded and tried to match his breathing but it was difficult. After about 10 minutes, I managed to get my breathing back to normal and the sobs had turned into silent tears. The reality that I'd just broken down in front of Austin hit me but I couldn't let myself get worked up again. I just looked at him with terrified eyes as he continued to look at me in concern.

Now that I'd calmed down, I noticed that he was rubbing my arms down with his big tattooed hands. I concentrated on the soothing movements because it was the only thing that was keeping me calm.

"Better?" He whispered.

"I-I'm sorry..." I muttered through quivering lips.

"Hey...you have nothing to apologize for..." He bent his knees slightly so that his beautiful eyes met mine.

I hated anyone seeing me this vulnerable and weak. No-one knew just how pathetic I truly was and it terrified me that someone could have this power over me.

"I have to go..." I mumbled and tried to leave.

"No chance," He grabbed my arm, "I want you to talk to me."