BxB Cashby Healed My Heart (Completed)

Chapter 6

It had been just under two weeks since I broke down in front of Austin. Nearly two full weeks of me trying to ignore him. After we'd had that conversation, we exchanged numbers and he took me home. I know that I said I would let him in but once I got home...I completely freaked out.

He knows. HE KNOWS. He knows what a mess I am and he could easily manipulate that if he wanted to. He knows my weaknesses and he could easily exploit them by telling people. It's not that I thought he would do that, it's just the fact that he so easily could. My survival mode had kicked in and I was truly terrified of letting anyone in to my fucked up life.

He had text me countless times and even rang me too. I felt awful because I know that he didn't have a lot of people but honestly he could do with a better friend than me. I'm not a very good friend and I would only let him down.

After my final lesson on Thursday, I visited the hill that I was so fond of. My thoughts were so consumed of Austin and I just felt worse and worse about the whole thing. This is why I don't let anyone get close! I always end up letting them down...

"I thought I might find you here," A voice startled me from my thoughts.

My head snapped to the side to see Austin stood there with an angry expression on his face. Uh-oh...he was pissed.

"What the fuck, Alan?!" His voice was like ice, "Who the fuck does that?! Who opens up to someone and the just ignores their existence for two weeks?!"

I flinched, "I'm sorry..."

"You're sorry?!" He repeated, "Do you know how fucking selfish that was for you to do?! You're the first person other than Tino and Lucas that I felt like I could trust and you just ignore me?! You're just like the fucking rest of them! You're all a bunch of judgemental pricks!"

His words stung me so deep and I felt tears brim my eyes. What have I done? I've hurt him...I've let him down. He's right I am selfish...but I didn't do this because of his past. I couldn't give a fuck about his past!

"Austin-," I began.

He interrupted, "You know, if you didn't want to be around me you could have just said. I would have understood...nobody wants to be around a criminal right? But you gave me this false sense of hope that maybe some people would be accepting but it's complete bullshit! I'm never going to be accepted anywhere I go because I don't deserve it."

"That's not true!" I stood up and shouted, "I accept you! I really do! I didn't stay away because of your past; I stayed away because I was scared! I've never opened up to anyone before and telling you what was going on in my head was the scariest thing that I've ever done! Yes, I know I'm a fucking coward...but I was trying to give you the chance to forget about me and my problems because you have enough to deal with without worrying about me!"

We stood there in silence with our chests rising up and down quickly from the little shouting match we'd shared. I wasn't finished though.

"Don't you ever, ever say that you don't deserve acceptance!" I shouted, "You deserve acceptance more than anyone I know! You're the best person I've met in my entire life and if anyone deserves happiness, it's you! But being my friend will not bring you happiness. It'll bring you down..."

He sighed in exasperation, "You just don't get it, do you?! I am so fucking low that I can't be bought any further down! You know the one thing that perks me up? You! You're so real and caring and I've never connected with someone so fast before! Fuck your problems! I have my own shit too but friends help each other and share! Let me share your problems!"

I closed my eyes and wiped the tears that fell. When I opened them again, Austin was stood in front of me and my breathing hitched. He was so close and his expression had softened to one that cared. He was so close and my heart couldn't handle my feelings right now.