Our Beating Hearts

4

"THIS CAME FOR YOU," MOM says, handing me an envelope as soon I come down for breakfast on Thursday.

It's from the University of Georgia-the return address is printed with their logo. It's not a big envelope like my admissions packet. Just a random letter-sized envelope, the perfect size for a letter from the dean retracting my scholarship and reversing my acceptance. We are writing to notify you that your acceptance to the University of Georgia Honors Program was, in fact, a clerical error. Our records show that our department intended to admit some other Ashton Irwin who isn't a steaming hot mess. We apologize for any inconvenience.

"Are you going to open it?" Mom asks, leaning against the counter. She's wearing eye makeup as she does for work sometimes, and she looks obnoxiously beautiful. Her eyes look electric green. I should say, for the record, that having a mother who's hotter than you sucks balls.

I take a deep breath and open it. Mom peers at me while I read. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, totally." I feel myself relax. "It's just a bunch of info about tours and accepted students day."

"We should probably do that, huh?"

"It doesn't matter."

I mean, it can't matter. Because my mom isn't Luke's mom or Niall's mom.

She can't randomly take off work for a campus visit. I can't even picture my mom on one of those tours. I've never actually been on one, but Luke says it's just a flock of mortified kids cringing while their parents ask questions.

Apparently, Luke's dad asked the tour guide at Duke to "please elaborate on the campus LGBT scene."

"I wanted to fucking die," Luke told me.

Pretty sure if my mom were on that tour, she'd be snickering in the back, rolling her eyes at all the other parents. She'd probably get hit on by frat dudes, too.

"Seriously, it's fine."

She smiles. "I really do think you should sign up for this, though. Let me just sort things out with work, and we can make a whole day of it. And actually, Wells has family in Sydney, so-"

I laugh incredulously. "I'm not doing my college tour with Wells."

She flicks my arm. "We can discuss this later. Do you want a yogurt?"

"Yeah." I scrape my hair back. "Anyway, I'll just see when Brandy is going. I can pretend to be a Hirsch."

"That's an idea," Mom says. "And you could wear a Tech jersey to mess with them."

"Totally, Mom. I'll be so popular on campus."

My phone buzzes with a text from Sierra. Fuck. My. Life. Ashton. Oh God.

"Okay, I better go," Mom says, setting my yogurt down. "Have fun today."

I say good-bye to her and turn back to my phone. I can't fuck your life, I'm monogamously fucking my own life.

Okay, that's funny, Simon writes, but seriously.

What happened?

Three dots.

And then: My voice keeps cracking!

What?

When I sing.

That's really cute. Emoji with heart eyes. I take a bite of yogurt.

Ashton , IT'S NOT CUTE. IT'S ALMOST OPENING NIGHT. THE

SCHOOL PERFORMANCES ARE LIKE RIGHT NOW.

I think you're nervous

YOUR nervous.