Our Beating Hearts

26

"MICHAEL'S ACTING WEIRD," LUKE SAYS on Thursday, chin in hand. He and Niall and I have claimed a table in the corner of the library. "It's like there's something he's not telling me."

"Maybe he's gay," Niall whispers.

"Yeah, I've been wondering that." Luke's so deadpan when he says it that I can't help but smile.

"Michael is just scared that high school will end."

"I don't know," Luke says finally. Niall looks at me and shrugs. And it hits me, all of a sudden, how strange it is to be spending a morning in the library with these two. Not Louis and Sierra, not Harry and Crystal. Just Luke, Niall, and me. That wouldn't have happened a year ago. I don't think it would have happened six months ago.

"Ashton, I can't tell if you're staring into space or staring at Taylor's ass."

"Definitely Taylor's ass," I say automatically. I blink, and there she is, a couple of yards away from us. She's crouched down and appears to be helping a freshman sort through an array of scattered papers.

Sometimes I forget what a Girl Scout she is.

"I think she's into Jenny," Niall murmurs.

I nod. "Agreed."

"But what about Calum?" Luke asks.

Niall shrugs. "I mean, he dumped him. She's a free agent."

"I guess so." Luke chews on his lip. "Prom's going to be interesting."

"Yeah, with Jenny and Calum in the same limo? Guaranteed shitshow."

"You think it will be bad?"

"For them? Yeah. But we'll have the best time, Irwin, I promise." He smiles, and there's this softness in his eyes.

I freeze.

And then the bell rings. Thank God. "I should get to class." I stand quickly, almost upending my chair.

Because, wow. I can't do this. I can't deal with Niall's mushy eyes and Jennifer's broken heart. And I really can't be this head over heels for a straight boy. The head and heels need to get back in line.

I need to fucking chill about this Calum situation.

There honestly can't be a Calum situation.

But I can't stop thinking about tomorrow afternoon. This mysterious after-school plan that Calum's concocting. He hasn't said a word about it all week, and I'm actually starting to wonder if he's forgotten about it entirely.

But just as we're leaving English, he tugs the sleeve of my hoodie. The Green Day hoodie he got me. "Hey, are you taking the bus tomorrow?"

My stomach goes haywire.

Like, seriously? Fuck this. Fuck you, butterflies. Stop acting like this is a rom-com moment. Am I taking the bus. That's seriously a step above discussing the weather. But for some reason, my body's decided to treat this like a marriage proposal.

I blink and nod and exhale.

"Cool. I can drive you home." He grins. "I'm excited."

I can't even reply. I'm just a giant steaming mess.

The whole bus ride home, I'm like a blender on pulse. In one moment, I think I finally have my shit together, and then the anticipation hits me in one-megawatt burst. Tomorrow, I get to be alone with Calum.

Which doesn't mean anything will happen. I'm pretty sure I'm trash for even wanting anything to happen.

But I may actually be losing my mind. I'm in the weirdest mood. I'm this close to flinging my arms out and running up a mountainside, Sound of Music-style.

I feel reckless.