Our Beating Hearts

17

AND THEN WE'RE IN SYNDEY. Calum cuts down to the main road, and I take in the colorful jumble of shops and cafés. There's a little indie bookstore with tall, arched windows, a grocery co-op on the corner, and two guys walking down the sidewalk, holding hands. I don't think it's hit me that I'll be living here. Not just visiting. Not just staring out of a car window, driving by. It doesn't feel like real life.

Calum's friend lives in an apartment building near the center of town-understated and modern, with its own covered parking deck. "Caitlin says we just park wherever," says Calum. "She's letting us borrow her parking permit."

"This is wild."

"I know."

I peer out the window as we loop around each row of the deck. It's a funny mix of cars-some freshly washed and expensive-looking, others dented and battered. Lots of the University of Sydney cling stickers.

Apparently, almost everyone who lives here is a student.

We find a spot on the third level, ride an elevator to the lobby, and sign our names on a sheet at the front desk. Then we take another elevator to the sixth floor, where Caitlin's apartment sits, halfway down a long, carpeted hall.

When she and Calum see each other, they shriek and hug in the doorway, even though I'm pretty sure they've met literally once. Honestly, how well can you know your cousin's girlfriend's friend's sister?

But it's Calum, so who knows.

"And you must be Ashton," Caitlin says. "Here, let me grab your bags." We follow her into a sunny open kitchen with marble countertops, chrome appliances, and cheerfully stacked Fiestaware. It looks so perfectly adult. I knew Caitlin lived off-campus, so it's not like I expected a dorm room, but this apartment looks like something out of HGTV. I didn't realize college sophomores could live like this.

"So, this is it. Bedroom, bathroom, I've got the Wi-Fi password written down, and you have my number. You guys are going on a tour tomorrow, right?"

Calum nods. "In the afternoon."

"Cool. Well, if you're up for it, my friend Eva is having people over tomorrow night. They live downstairs-it's literally this exact apartment, but on the fifth floor. Ashton, you would love them. They're a drummer."

That casual singular they. It isn't even my pronoun, but it feels like a hug. Because of Caitlin's unfazed by her enby friend's pronouns, she'd probably be unfazed by me being gay.

"Anyway, I can text you the info."

"So, it's a party?" Calum asks.

Caitlin shrugs. "I guess so? Not really, though. I think it's going to be super chill." She twists her hair back and releases it. "You guys should totally stop by. And here's the parking permit. You can just prop it near your windshield."

"I should do that now," Calum says.

"Perfect. I'll walk you to the parking lot. And I guess that's everything."

"Thank you," I say. "Seriously."

"Oh my God, of course!" She hugs me, and it's like hugging a flower.

They leave, and suddenly I'm alone in this stranger's apartment. But I hear Calum's laugh all the way down the hall.

I call Mom at the office.

"There you are! I was starting to worry. How was the drive?"

"Good."

"That all you're giving me? Good?"

"It was amazing," I say. "It was unicorns vomiting sunbeams." I push aside two fuzzy white throw pillows and sink onto the couch.

"And Calum's good?"

"Yup."

"Run into any hotties yet?"

"Mom."

"I'm just asking."

"Okay, first of all, we've been here for five minutes. Second of all, don't say hotties." I roll my eyes.

"And I'm not hooking up with anyone."

"Okay, but you know the drill. Condom!" Mom's golden rule. Not super relevant, considering I get no action. And even if I did, it sure as hell wouldn't be on this trip.

I curl up against the armrest of Caitlin's couch, but my limbs feel twitchy and restless. I want to explore the apartment, but something about that feels wrong.

Maybe it's the fact that I would die before leaving someone alone in my space. I get sick just imagining it. All my dirty clothes and half-finished fan art. I don't get how people walk through life with all their windows wide open.

I hear the doorknob turn-Calum's back from the parking lot. He lays down on his back on the couch opposite of me. "This place is amazing."

"I know."

"And it's a one-bedroom. How does she even afford that?" He kicks off his sneakers and tucks his arms behind his head up. "I don't even think I'd want that."

"You mean money?"

"No, I mean a one-bedroom. I definitely want a roommate. Or a suite-mate."

"A roommate would be cheaper."

"Cheaper is good," he agrees. He props himself up on his elbows, meeting my eyes. "Have you thought about that at all?"

"Roommates?"

He nods, then pauses. "You and I could be roommates."

"That's what Luke and Michael both want, that way they'll be together and so will we."

"Yeah, I know. He mentioned that. But it's not a bad idea, you know?"

He has to be kidding. Not a bad idea? Calum living in my bedroom. I'd lose my mind in a week.

"Or not," he says quickly. "Just a thought. We don't even have to decide now."

I nod wordlessly.

"So, I asked Caitlin about the party."

"Okay." I frown.

"Apparently, it's just a few people hanging out. Like, just a Tuesday-night thing." He bites his lip. "I don't think it's even a real party."

"Let me guess. You want to go."

"Only if you're going."

"Yeah, I don't know."

"Maybe we could just stop by for a second." He crawls a little close. "Just to cheer me up after my breakup?"

I scoff. "You dumped her!"

"But I still feel shitty about it."

"And a party will fix that?"

"Definitely."

I pause and then sigh. "See, this is why we can't be roommates."

"What? Why?"

"Because you'd make me go to parties. You'd do doe eyes at me until I agreed."

"Oh." Calum grins. "Yeah, that's probably true."

I look away, smiling. "Whatever. It's tomorrow, right?"

"Right."

I roll my eyes. "All right, but I'm not drinking anything."

"Ahhhhh!" He presses his hands to his cheeks. "I can't wait. Ashy, we're going to an actual college party!"

"Mmm."

"No, I'm serious-this is going to be so awesome. Do you realize this is the beginning?"

"The beginning of what?"

He sinks back, smiling dreamily. "Of real life. Of adulthood."

"That's terrifying."

"It's amazing."

I roll my eyes-but when she smiles at me, I can't help but smile back.