Our Beating Hearts

19

I WAKE UP TO THE patter of rain on Caitlin's balcony. Calum's already awake. He's sitting cross-legged against the headboard, reading Harry Potter.

A wave of panic hits me. It's hard to explain, but the thought of Calum watching me sleep makes me want to throw up. Not that he was watching me. I mean, he's pretty absorbed in his book. But right now, my brain is dead set on reminding me how gross I look when I'm sleeping. My mouth was probably hanging open. I was probably snoring.

"Oh, you're up!" Calum says, folding down the corner of the page.

I gape at him. "Did you just dog-ear Harry Potter?"

"Oh boy." The edges of his lips curve up. "Should have known you were one of those people."

"One of those people? As in, I'm not a monster?" I shake my head slowly. Like, you look at Calum, and he's the picture of innocence. But no.

"Okay, this may blow your mind," I say, "but have you ever heard of-"

"Bookmarks. Yes. I know." He rolls his eyes. "Jennifer used to give me so much shit. I honestly think she bought me a hundred bookmarks while we were dating."

"So where are these hundred bookmarks now?"

"Well, obviously, I had to get rid of them."

"Because . . ."

"Because we broke up?" He shrugs. "I don't know. Jennifer's stuff makes me sad. Is that weird?"

"Why would that be weird?"

He smiles wistfully. "I broke up with her. I'm not allowed to be sad."

"You can feel however you want."

"No, I know. But it's complicated."

And suddenly, he looks like he's going to burst into tears. Maybe Sierra was right. Maybe Calum and Jennifer were never meant to break up.

"So, it's raining," Calum says.

"Yeah, I hear it."

"Do you think they'll cancel the tour?"

"I don't know."

"I mean, probably not, right? And maybe it will clear up by this afternoon." He sighs, glancing at his phone.

I feel myself starting to calm down, my heartbeat dialing back to normal. We make our way from the bed to the couch, and by noon, we're dressed and jacked up on Froot Loops. The rain has slowed to a drizzle, so I guess it could be worse. Of course, Calum brought wellies-bright green with polka dots.

"Did you know it was going to rain?"

"No. I just like them with this outfit. Is that weird?"

"It's pretty weird."

He pokes me in the arm.

But he doesn't look weird. He looks perfectly collegiate. I've always been so jealous of the way Calum layers clothes. He makes it look intentional. Case in point: today's skinny jeans and a navy plaid shirt, under a fitted gray sweater, rolled up at the elbows. And the wellies. When I try to layer, I just look like I'm hiding something.

I tuck my hair behind my ears. "Should we head to the admissions office?"

"Yes!" He pulls an umbrella out of his suitcase. Of course, he brought an umbrella.

It's a quick drive to get there, and we sign in at a desk inside the admissions building. Then they direct us to an auditorium down the hall. We're a few minutes early, but the seats are already filling up.