𝘈 𝘙𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 //𝘛.𝘍 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 //

Part 4 || 8 - His girlfriend

That incident happened in January, two months after, Tom hasn't still told me about her. They seem to leave the set together, they used to come to set together as well. I didn't bring her up because Tom didn't tell me about her and he is the person to tell me everything. We hung out a little less now, he didn't pick me up or drop me home. Since, he didn't, I started learning how to drive. Mick used to drop me and pick me up.

I was in the Gryffindor Common Room set, prepping for my scene, when I saw Tom approaching us with Jade. Oh, God no, he introduced Melissa just like this. No, no, no-

"Hey, guys. I want you to meet someone special" Tom said making my hands ball up in fists, of course not to punch him or her, but to prepare myself to what I was going to hear next. "This is Jade, my girlfriend" he said making me close my eyes. Everyone was silent for a minute, before Dan broke it, "Congratulations, mate!" he said and everyone congratulated him one by one.

Lastly, he looked at me with hopeful eyes, I looked up and met his eyes, those blue orbs that once I thought belonged to me, are now Jade's. "I - I, I need to go" I said and left the set. Tears started streaming down my cheeks. He told me he doesn't love me, of course he's entitled to a relationship. He's not the one hung up on me.

"Y/N!" Tom called making me speed my pace. "W-Wait!" he grabbed my wrist and turned me around only to be faced by my red face. I saw Emma, Dan and Rupert standing behind him. "Why are you-"

"No, don't touch me!" I said jerking my wrist off of his hand. "Do you realize how hard it is to be in love with your best friend? To deal with it without letting them know? To not be able to tell them even when you want to because they're not yours to have? To have the constant fear of thinking about you losing them, about them pushing you away? How much it hurts, physically, how much your chest tightens, how much your heart clenches when you realize you can't be with them?" I said as they all followed me to my trailer.

"I - I don't know-"

"You never do, Tom. You never do. That's the problem, you never know what to say or do" I interrupted him and saw Jade approach us. I looked at everyone, they all had sympathetic smiles on their faces, I don't want anyone's pity. I looked at Jade, "You don't have to worry about me coming in the way of your relationship, Jade, I'll be out of everyone's hair in like 4 months. So, keep him happy"

"Wait, Y/N-"

"No, no, Tom, you don't understand the pain, just please leave me alone. If you can, then forever" I said entering my trailer. I closed the door behind me, dragging myself against the door and falling to the ground. I knew everyone was standing just outside because I didn't hear any footsteps. I screamed, I didn't care if they were listening, I had to let it all out. I stood up and threw my makeup brushes to the ground, throwing a bottle of water at the mirror, breaking the lamp, taking out the cushions and throwing them across my trailer.

I sat down in the mess with my knees hugging my chest, my head resting on my arms. The door opened, "I'll take you home, Y/N" Emma said coming next to me. I sighed and looked at her with heavy eyes. "What am I going to do, Em?" I cried making her sit next to me. "Y/N, please, don't make yourself go through that again, please" she said rubbing my back.

"Em, he - he has a girlfriend while I'm drowning in the love that I have for him, how-"

"Let's go home, okay? Come on, get up" she said softly and took me home.

••••••

Emma stayed the night and the next and the next. I didn't show up for work again. Tom filled my phone with calls and messages. It was April now and I missed majority of the work, now all that was left were my scenes with Tom. David was informed about some problem between us. I did visit the set when Tom had his days off, so I could finish scenes with the others.

Last night, I cried again, just like the others. But I made once decision with the night, I'm not letting him ruin my life. I got up before Emma would, taking a long shower, I went to make breakfast, Emma woke up and came downstairs, "Y/N?" she asked looking at me. I didn't let it affect me a bit, nothing, I did cry at nights, I did, I'm not going to lie. But like I said, I wasn't going to be a problem in his relationship, I was going to leave in a few months.

No Jade. No Tom. No love.

"Yeah, remember, I have the driving test today, I'm going to get my license, finally!!" I said shaking her happily. She furrowed her eyebrows at me, to how normal I was acting. I had told David to push all the scenes that included me and Tom getting intimate to the last days of filming, so that when those scenes are done, I don't have to see Tom ever.

"Why are you acting like nothing happened a month ago?" she asked pouring herself a cup of tea. "How does it affect me?" I asked shrugging. "Because you confessed in front of everyone that you were in love with him?" I sighed and turned to look at her. "Maybe, but I am not going to let it affect me anymore. He's his own person, he gets to have a life apart from me, he is entitled to as many as girlfriends he wants to have, I just don't care"

••••••

I only told that so that Emma could go home and leave me alone for once. I was tired of being babied around. Of every one looking at me like I was some delicate, broken piece. Of everyone pitying me. My license was going to come in mail today. I had already bought a car with the help of Mick. I did go to the set to finish up my scenes after hours.

I sat in my new Mercedes, the one Tom always wanted to buy, I was happy to tell him that I got my driver's license, but then I realized, I couldn't. I turned the engine on and put the radio on. It was playing - 'drivers license' by Olivia Rodrigo. Ironic, isn't it?

"I got my driver's license last week... Just like we always talked about. 'Cause you were so excited for me... To finally drive up to your house. But today I drove through the suburbs... Crying 'cause you weren't around" I let a silent sob escape my mouth.

"And you're probably with that blonde girl... Who always made me doubt. She's so much older than me... She's everything I'm insecure about. Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs... 'Cause how could I ever love someone else?" Stopping at a red light, I quickly blinked my eyes to let all the tears out and wipe them so that they don't blur my vision.

"And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one... And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone. Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me... 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street" I pulled over to the side of the road and bawled out.

"And all my friends are tired... Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them. 'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah today I drove through the suburbs... And pictured I was driving home to you"

"And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one... And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone. Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me... 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street" Pulling myself together, I looked in the rear view mirror to see a car pass by me. Tom's car. Jade was with him. They were laughing about something. My chest tightened again and I started driving.

"Red lights, stop signs... I still see your face in the white cars, front yards. Can't drive past the places we used to go to... 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe
Sidewalks we crossed... I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing over all the noise
God, I'm so blue, know we're through... But I still fuckin' love you, babe" I sang along the song, my vision turning blurry once again. I looked at the picture I kept of me and Tom in the car, near the dashboard. I didn't feel good.

"I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one... And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone. Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me... 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street" I passed by Tom's house, shaking my thoughts, looking at the picture I had of us again, thinking how Jade is going to replace me now, I pressed on the gas peddle....