Just a waitress (a jace Norman fanfic)

Chapter six-The funeral

Christine's pov
Today wast dads funeral. It seems like I always hurt the people I love. I was leaving the next day but I refused to miss my dads funeral. I put on the dress I found in my moms closet. We kept all o her stuff when we moved. We couldn't bear to get rid of it. I think she would have wanted me to wear it. I finished getting ready and went downstairs where jace and mrs. Norman waited for me. Jace saw me and stared. I stared hard at my uncomfortable shoes. "You look great!" Jace said. "I hate these shoes." Was all I could say. I felt bad so I said "Thanks sorry I sounded like a jerk." I said. "It's okay. We should go." He said so we got in the car and rode in silence. It's funny, I've known him for a couple of days and it already seems like he can take one look at me and know exactly how I feel and what to say. It like we have some connection. We arrived at the funeral home and went in. I walked over to the open coffin. There sat the lifeless form of my father. It killed me to see him like that, but at the same time I felt nothing. This was no longer my dad. My dad was long gone. This is a shell of what used to hold the soul of my father. But my father is gone. This is now just another body. Jace came up to me and watched carefully to see if I would cry. I was done crying though. I have put up a wall between me and feelings. I have made a vow to myself that I would never get close to anyone again. They only get hurt. It wouldn't be that hard. We sat and listened to the service. I didn't really listen though. Later we went out to the graveyard for the service. Once again the preacher droned on about how my dad was in a better place. It was a bunch of crap. He doesn't know what he's talking about! No one does! No one can act like they know what happens to us when we die because they don't know! We only know when we die, but then we can't tell anyone where we went. The service finished and I watched as they lowered him into the spot next to my mom. There was an empty space next to that for me. A couple of people to me how sorry they were, and I appreciated it, but I kinda wished that they would shut up and leave me alone. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Here hold these please and thank you." I handed jace my shoes and before he could say anything I took off in my bare feet. I ran passed the other stones. I ran into the street. I ran and ran. I didn't even know where I was going. I just knew I had to go somewhere. I found myself at my old house. But now it was just an empty plot. Except for one tree in the middle. I had planted it many years ago. I didn't want anyone to build a house where mine had been so I planted the tree. I also wanted planted it so that I would never forget my mom. I didn't want to forget where we lived and what it was like to be happy. Although I don't think it was the tree that kept people from building here, no one did so the land was as good as mine. I came here all the time. I would sit under the tree and talk to it. I carved my moms initials into the trunk. AP, April valentine. This tree symbolized my mom. It represented where home was and it was the one place I could trust. Today I walked over to the tree and took out my pocket knife. Slowly, but surely I carved the initials MV into the tree. "Here you go dad. Now you and mom are together. I always thought gravestones were lame so..." I paused as tears welled up in my eyes. I choked them back. I sat down under the tree. "I'm so sorry! This is all my fault! I shouldn't go to LA! I shouldn't have told you that I was! Dad I shouldn't have said that I wanted to leave you! Mom please don't be mad that I'm the reason your dead. I'm the worst person in the world and I should have been different! I'm so sorry." I thought that I could still hear those voices talking to me. Telling me what to do. I put my head on my legs and just sat there for what must have been hours. The sun was setting far off in the distance. I heard a voice call me. "Christine! Christine!" I peeked up over my knees to see jace running towards me. "Christine are you okay?" He asked concerned. "Yeah I'm fine." I said staring at nothing. "You ran off and didn't come back and I thought..." He didn't finish. "Look. I barley know you, and I don't know why I have to tell you this, but I do." I said. "Tell me what." He asked. "Why my parents death is all my fault." I said. Jace sat down next to me. "Christine-" "no. You have to listen. I've never told anyone this. When I was five I had a big dance recital. I was terrified. I started crying and I refused to go on stage. My mom was there and she took me home. I sat on my bed crying and I didn't even notice the fire until it was too late. I tried to get out but all of downstairs was engulfed in flames. I sat in my room and called for my mom. I couldn't see anything and my mom came busting through the door. We got downstairs and the beam fell. She told me to leave and that she would be right out. I left her! I left her and then it was too late!" Jace stared into my eyes. "That's not your fault-" "yes it is! You don't understand! If I hadn't been so selfish and if I had gone on stage then none of us would have been in the building during the fire! Not me not my dad not my mom not anyone! I was selfish and it's all my fault!" Jace hugged me tight. Then he held me by the shoulders and looked at me. "Listen to me, none of this is your fault. You didn't know what would happen. Not for your mom, not for your dad. You couldn't have stopped it if you tried. You're a good person and absolutely none of this is your fault." Just having him here made me feel better. So much for not letting anyone else into my life. Because with jace, I don't think I had a choice. If anything this brought us together. But what if I hurt him too? What if something really bad happens to jace because of me?