The Troubleshooter

14- Lili's first kiss

Nico POV -age 16

I slump down amongst the destruction that was the pool house.

I haven't cried.

I'm not sad.

I'm just filled with this sense of rage. Once I started hitting things I couldn't stop, my knuckles are grazed and swollen.

The splintered wood that used to be the bookcase digs into my thighs but I welcome the distraction of the pain.

I don't know how long I sit there in my own thoughts. Thinking of everything, and nothing all at the same time. I don't even hear the door, only noticing Lili when she nudges my head with the wine bottle in her hand.

"I was going to sit with you for a while but apparently we're refurbishing the pool house" she says with a small sad smile.

"Are your parents pissed at me?" I check pulling the bottle from her hand and taking a large swig.

"Nah, but I told them not to come out. I figured you'd find it patronising"

"You figured correctly," I admit.

"And my brother's have the emotional range of a teaspoon…"

"Really? Quoting Hermione?" I scoff taking another swig.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" She asks, still Searching for a clear space to sit. But splintered wood and shattered glass covers the floor.

"No I don't"

"Silent company while you drink it is" she says stubbornly, starting to clear a space for herself. I give up watching her pulling her to sit awkwardly on one of my knees and offering her the wine.

Lili takes a small sip and passes the bottle back. Leaning her head back to rest against my shoulder.

We stay like this, in silence for a while.

"Why wasn't I enough for her?" I ask. "What's so wrong with me? That she wouldn't fight it for me?" I can finally feel the tears fighting to escape. "I told your Ma I wouldn't go and say goodbye" I whisper, ashamed.

"Nico," Lili breathes, twisting around to wrap me in a hug.

"She left me all alone."

"No. You're not alone, you have us and you always will" she promises me.

I can feel her tears trickling down the side of her face to land on my shoulder. I wrap one hand around her back rubbing gentle circles while I choke back my tears to take another gulp of wine. Struggling to swallow it past the lump in my throat.

"I'm just so angry with her" I admit.

"I know" she mumbles into my shoulder.

I wait for Lili's breathing to even out before I disturb her. I'm pretty sure if I see her tears I won't be able to hold mine back anymore.

"Sorry about your shirt," Lili sniffles sitting up, my shirt is damp from her tears and clinging to my skin. "I know it was stupid for me to cry. But I can't bear seeing you in pain" she explains locking eyes with me.

Time seems to pause around us, the chaos, the sadness, the pain all falling away. Nothing can penetrate the bubble we occupy in that moment.

Lili's face leans in closer and I freeze. She's close enough that I can see the stray tears clinging to her eyelashes. She moves closer again, her eyes look funny and distorted this close. We're almost touching, I can smell the wine on her warm breath, I can almost taste it.

Suddenly I snap back to reality. This is Lili!
I turn my face to the side gulping down the wine. What was I doing? Was I going to kiss Lili?

Was I really going to fuck up my life with the Canossa's? Just because I wanted to feel cared for?

"Go inside Lili" I order her, refusing to meet her eye.

"Nico" she pleads,

"You shouldn't be out here. You're just a kid" I say more to myself than to her. My chest squeezing at the reminder.

................................................................... 

My birthday comes and goes unmarked, Aunt Penny has been busy dealing with all the legal and funeral aspects for my Ma. I wouldn't even know where to begin.

I've been refusing to speak with anyone especially since they locked away the alcohol. Apparently I was only having that one night to drink through my grievances.

I feel like I'm out of place. I no longer belong here. I'm not just an inconvenient guest. I'm an unplaced orphan.

I sit with my back against the tree watching Lili talking quietly with Ben, their legs dangling into the pool.

I can't hear what they're saying but even from here I can see the smile dancing on Lili's lips, the sparkling in her eyes.

Then it's like I can suddenly see what is about to happen before it does. It's as if it's slow motion. Ben brushes one of Lili's curls out of her face, keeping his hand on her cheek for just a fraction to long.

Then he presses his lips to hers.

The rage inside my chest ignites again. I fucking told him! I warned him! I run forward and pull Ben backwards away from Lili, throwing him to the floor. It's like I'm seeing everything through a red mist, when my fist connects with Ben's face, blood immediately spraying from his lip.

I just keep hitting and hitting. I can hear Lili screaming but I don't care. I don't stop until I feel a sudden pain in my head and everything goes black.

My head hurts when I wake, I let out a groan of pain keeping my eyes closed.

"You're awake?" Mr Canossa asks.

"How bad was it?" I ask, keeping my eyes closed. Maybe if I don't open my eyes I can pretend it didn't happen. Ma is still alive, I can go visit, Ben didn't kiss Lili, I didn't pummel his face...

"Honestly? It wasn't great." He admits. "Ben must be really understanding though, he's not planning to press charges. He says he 'gets it' whatever that means. He told his parents it was a fight."

I open my eyes in surprise, I was expecting worse.

Mr Canossa walks closer towards my bed looking down at my swollen hands.
"I however have my own terms. Penny wants you in anger management, I think it's a good idea. I also want you to join a mixed martial arts class. Get that anger out in a safe way. And once you have worked through some of those issues. I think I have a good position in the company for you."

"That's a family business. I'm not family" I reply coldly.

"If you aren't ready to accept us as your family yet that's ok. You can be an independent contractor that I'll hire. It'll give you an out for all that anger you're holding." He offers, not slightly offended by my rebuffing.

"Ok," I agree, I know I'm lucky. I could go to prison for the damage I've caused. I pull myself to a sitting position wincing at the pain in my head. "Who knocked me out?" I ask.

"Liliana did"